»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Night At The Lake Shore
| Passions in Prose |
|
Night At The Lake Shore |
|
|
JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
I placed my hand on the water's surface and watched as I immersed it further until the lake's murky depths concealed my whole hand and part of my wrist. I slowly took it up again out of the water and shook off the droplets, wiping my palm on my t-shirt. I was surprised at how cold the moisture felt against my skin and a part of me wanted to go, because afterall it was getting dark and I could barely see where the land met the waves. A part of me wanted to stay though and relish the moment of complete peace I was feeling. A feeling like I was outside of myslef watching my movements. My arms felt themselves hoisting body and legs up off the sand and my feet found themselves walking up the log stairs to the awaiting warmth of the beach fire that glowed of embers so inviting. Then my eyes found themselves looking back out to the never ending lake and trying to focus on where the shore line was, but I guess my eyes just weren't supposed to see, because the darkness was what develpoed in my head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! I thought I'd try out Prose. This is my first time writing it, although I have written short stories. I'd like some feedback! Should I be aware of any rules of prose? Please let me know. I'd appreciate it. Thanks. Joy [This message has been edited by JOY 14 (edited 03-30-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
That was a nicely written piece, with some good ideas in it, but I have little things to point out. "I placed my hand on the water's surface and watched as I emerged it further until the lake's murky depths concealed my whole hand and part of my wrist" I think you meant to say "immersed" instead of "emerged" "I slowly took it up again out of the water and shook of the droplets, wiping my palm on my t-shirt." And the underlined "of" should be "off" Other than that, good piece! And by all means, please post one of your short stories if it happens to be under 5,000 words. If they're all to big, contact me and we'll try to work something out  Abrahm Simons Put one foot on the path of life and tread the dagger's path betwixt dark and light. |
||
|
JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Thanks for pointing out those things. I guess I was writing quickly and didn't check back. I'm going to go edit them. I don't think I could put my stories on, because they are pretty long. I would enjoy just coming up with new things though! Joy |
||
|
Hope, tears, and renewal Member
since 2000-03-27
Posts 74 |
Great piece... you're a really good writer. |
||
|
JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Thank you Hope!!!!  Joy |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Hi Joy ! Good to see you here too.  I know nothing of the rules of prose, but I do know I liked what you wrote. |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I loved it! I am also new in the prose forum...I have written one piece of prose so far. I hope I'll wirte more, it is a nice branch of writing. I'll be on the look out for your stuff in here! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is a rainbow of delight." |
||
|
Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Very good piece, I enjoyed it. Welcome to the prose page! Sometimes the most important things can't be seen with the eyes, but are rather felt with the heart. *Cassie Roseen* |
||
|
D edgar Grey Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174Hell...(aka Wisconsin) |
Considering what my prose(s??) are like, this is very good! I was a little startled by the sudden ending, but I re-read it and realized that I liked it better short. You know me! I don't know anything, much less anything about prose rules!! >; P Talk to ya' later!! Zai jian If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." (If only...>; P) |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
