I promised my self I wouldn't be a crazy cat lady #2

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Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2010-08-24 10:29 PM

"Your not actually planning on going to a school in the middle of nowhere?"

Those words resonated in my mind. My mother never lacked directness or shed kindness in her words. I didn't want to answer her question, because I didn't want to fight the entire car ride. To be honest I didn't know if I wanted her to come or if she wanted to come.

I watched all the cars pass us on the free way (my mom likes to follow the speed limit).

"What is you plan!" My mother exclaimed. A child gets to know small things about their parent, like the wrinkles at the brow, the line of the lip, or even clenched hands. I won't get away from answering her.

"My plan is to be a happy person, and work hard to achieve that happiness." I answered her never alluding to the chains of my unhappiness and unease toward my life. I watched her brows furrow deeper and lines deepen on her face. I felt my heart ache- I felt like a deer staring at headlights.

"You can't run away when things don't go your way Juli. I don't remember a time when you haven't ran away. The problem isn't the world, it is you." She said calmly and coolly. It didn't hurt when she said it. I have long numbed myself to accusations of being antisocial, like the numbing feeling I have from the cold glass against my face.

I watched my reflection on the side mirror. "Objects are closer than what they appear," was printed neatly at the bottom of the mirror. I looked to see no one behind us.

[This message has been edited by Juju (08-25-2010 07:56 PM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2010-08-25 07:29 AM

sighing~~makes me just want to send you some hugs (whether true or not)

M

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2010-08-25 07:57 PM

Thanks nkd thoughts

-fiction

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2010-08-25 10:47 PM

Fiction is oft-times based
on some base reality....

it's all good, dear.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2010-08-30 09:56 AM

a nice part 2 and now~ off to the other

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 2010-08-31 12:29 PM

Very nice, JuJu! The story is progressing nicely and except for having ran away instead of having run, it's very well written

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

6 posted 2010-09-01 04:37 AM

Thank you, Juju.

It never crossed her mind that you might work happily and joyfully at things you enjoyed doing, and to find ways of looking at things you don't enjoy so that you could make them feel different.  She reminds me of that wicked stepmother in "Sleeping Beauty," the way you put her here, and it's a chilling though brief portrayal.

     The transitions and stresses might be helped or might not by thinking through the storylet you want to tell and imagining a specific person you want to tell it to.  That way, you'll be imagining what you need to do to keep you cousin Madge or your Aunt Sally completely up to date with exactly what you're trying to get across, with all the twists and turns.  Remember the sorts of things your cousin or your aunt listens for in particular.  Does she pay particular attention and want to know about the kinds of flowers you saw, the way the houses looked, the weather, or simply the way the person sounded when they spoke.
try to include a few of those details so you can bring your cousin or aunt along when you tell the story.

     Then try telling it to your cousin or you aunt into a tape player, and listen to it to see if it sounds right.  A lot about prose or poetry for that matter comes from the way it actually sounds when you read it out loud.

     Then try writing it down, making any corrections that feel right, and try reading that oiut loud.

     Get in the habit of reading your stuff out loud for a while so you can develop an ear for what it sounds like.  Try to make all the different characters sound different, like they do in real life.

     I've given you a lot of suggestions, and I don't know if any of them feel like they're useful to you.  I hope some of them are, because you're sure a brave woman and that'll take you a long way.  Keeping at it and getting practice and listening to what you sound like aloud will give you a big head start on a lot of folks, but you need to keep at it until you can at least hear what you sound like aloud inside your own head, if you follow what I'm talking about here.  Give it a try and good luck, Juju.

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