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Ugg. yeah...
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Ugg. yeah... |
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xsaamaanthaax Junior Member
since 2008-11-28
Posts 21USA, Arizona. |
Well, I'm stuck in a world I don't wanna be. Let's make it simple. Mom tried to commit suicide in front of me with a gun, shot but didn't succeed. Drugs ruined her life. Dad was murdered a couple years back. No family to turn to. I'm at the age where i am independent enough to make my own decisions with what I want my life to be. I never really faced reality head on with everything that has happened with my life. So many things I have gone through, but numbing the pain as I went along. Now I'm coming realize that I do have feelings. I have no idea how to handle them. I'm starting to feel my life is a mess, that I was never really meant to be here. But the other side of me is saying "Your here for a reason, now live it up." I guess my point of writing this is to cope and get opinions, for someone to share experiences. I need it right now. Even words of wisdom will help. I'm just feeling down. Don't know where to turn, or who to turn to. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Samantha Deanna Smith- Thomas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, that you are speaking aloud your reasons to be here on this earth, first and foremost because you can communicate, you will soon find the many ways to realize your worth, and while you will never forget your parents, you will [and are showing now how to] overcome their mistakes and realize that their problems were never yours to begin with. It sounds as if you have chosen to begin the new year with a clean slate. How wonderful for the decisions you are making. There are so many doors for you to open, for finding those who can give you the advice you need for the life you are choosing for yourself. You are to be commended. As you grow into your new life, I look forward to the reflections of it in your poetry. My best to you, Samantha...and a Happy New Year for all that is to come your way. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Samantha, If I had one wish in the world it would be that children would be allowed to be children. Maybe I would need two wishes. I would also wish that parents would love and nuture their children. It doesn't take money. It takes love. I am sorry that you got a bum rap on both my wishes. However, I believe that you will survive this to become a strong and compassionate woman. You may have to learn how to be a good parent some day - you didn't come from the best of examples. Yet, you can. You can do what you want in life. The only way your parents will impact you negatively is if you let them My father was bi-polar and my childhood pretty much bordered on hell. I never knew what his mood was going to be. Would he be the nice Daddy or would he be cutting up his dining room chair with an axe (true story). Would he be smacking on me or sexually abusing me? Or would he be holding me against his side, in the safety of his arm while he read Treasure Island. Looking back on this time, I realize if he had been consistantly abusive - it might have been easier. The reason I tell this to you is to try to show you that the choices are ours. I detached from my Father - and I struggle still to overcome his clench on me. But know what? Life is always a struggle of some kind. That's life. So we struggle, we learn and maybe we become better people. The thing is I had to learn to deal with my anger in a less confrontational manner - in a less physical manner. I am still learning and may be for the rest of my life. But, I want to learn and break the legacy that he passed on in his children. I wish for you -- I wish you the strength to move beyond your parents and understand, that while tragic, their choices have nothing to do with you. Write, share, put your heart into poetry - and learn to be the best whatever you want to be that you can. I am thinking of you. Alison |
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