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Fitting Room
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Fitting Room |
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openthoughts Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 94Where the child can be free |
This wasn’t going to work. That was apparent to me almost immediately and yet I continued to try. I guess it was just some empty shred of hope that I could force it. Maybe if I tried a different angle. No. There wasn’t a chance in hell. I sighed before stripping off the t-shirt and tossing it onto the bench in the changing room. It fit fine but I just couldn’t stand the way it looked on me. Not that I consider myself particularly self-conscious. I looked at myself in the mirror. A lot of my friends spend hours dwelling on and complaining about how they can’t stand the way they look. Sure, my nose may be a little narrow for my face and my thicker-than-average hips may look awkward and heavy since I’m otherwise fairly thin but overall I’d have to say that I’m satisfied with my physical appearance. Although there was no one around to see it, I shrugged as I decided for the thousandth time that I was at least average-looking. I am not, however, the most fashionably inclined of people. My wardrobe consisted of predominantly loose fitting shirts and jeans. Boring, I’ll admit, but comfortable. And when it comes to comfort, fashion just has to take a back seat. Unfortunately, that way of thinking is what had landed me in the changing room of some expensive brand name clothing store that focused on the current “skater punk” style that was so popular with so many of my friends. My friends had insisted that I try the shirt on, saying that I needed to “expand my wardrobe”. Whatever that meant. I heard a knock on the door to the changing room that jarred me from my reflection. Are you almost done in there, came the call. Hold on one sec, ok, I answered as I slipped back into my everyday clothes, thankful that once again that no one was there to see how startled I had been. Carefully, I folded the t-shirt back up, trying to remember how I had found it. I couldn’t, however, and so, exasperated, I folded it the way I knew, hoping that that would be good enough and that an employee wouldn’t have to fix it too much. I came out of the changing room with the store shirt in hand. You’re not even going to show us how it looks on you, Beth asked. I didn’t like the way it looked. I’m sorry, I told her. In the short time that I had been in the changing room, Beth had managed to fill a rather large bag with the clothes she had bought. Rose, however, had not bought anything, I noticed. It felt better knowing I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t getting anything. It’s fine, Beth said, we’ll find something else for you but you really should open your mind and expand your tastes. She turned, expecting me to follow her. I didn’t think it was worth arguing with her with her so determined. Let me just put this back, I asked in reference to the shirt I was still holding. Don’t worry about it. Just leave it and let an employee take care of. It’s their job, isn’t it, Beth said. I didn’t like doing that but again, not wanting to argue, I did as Beth suggested before following her towards a large shelf of other shirts that all seemed remarkably similar to the one I had just tried on. Calling to us, Rose told us that she was going to the bookstore that had just opened up across from the clothing store we were in. Beth either didn’t hear her or was pretending not to—I could never tell which with her—so I told Rose it was fine and that we would meet her at the bench between the two stores. I returned my attention to Beth. She was operating at a fervent pace, pulling shirts off the shelf and pushing others aside in accordance with some system that only she understood. I knew if I didn’t find a way to distract her, I would drown in the sea of undesired shirts that she would want me to try on and I would inevitably refuse to buy. I noticed a shirt from the band Say Anything and figured that ought to do the trick. Knowing nothing I could say would have even the slightest effect in drawing her out of this trance she was in; I simply tapped her on the shoulder lightly and held the shirt up in front of me. Beth’s eyes lit and from her mouth escaped a squeal of delight. I saw it and thought of you, I said to her. I love it. Can I go try it on? Of course. I’m going to step outside though. It’s getting a little crowded in here, I told her. Truthfully, there weren’t many more people in the store than there had been before but I was starting to get uncomfortable and didn’t like the idea of being alone in there so I was anxious to rejoin Rose. Beth was already walking briskly towards the changing rooms. Just don’t you and Rose leave without me, she called over her shoulder with a smile. I wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, you have the car keys, I answered with a laugh. My laugh was returned as she disappeared into a room. There had been a mischievous twinkle in her eye that I had seen before and usually meant trouble. Rose was sitting at the bench already; a small bag that looked to contain no more than two books was beside her. She noticed me coming and moved the books from the bench to the ground. Sitting next to her, I said the first thing that came to mind: You didn’t like anything in there either, I asked, motioning to the clothing store. Oh no that’s not it at all. I love that store. Everything’s just so expensive, I can’t afford it, she said. What about the money from working at Malone? Rose laughed. That’s how I’m paying for school. I could get a few of the pants that I really liked but you would never see me in them. I’d have to use the money left over to buy a plane ticket home, the price of those clothes. I laughed too. Well couldn’t your parents send you a little bit of money if you asked them? I immediately regretted that question the moment it passed my lips, since the answer was so obvious. I felt terrible. But Rose’s smile never broke. I wouldn’t even want to, she said. Some things are more important than nice clothes. Her good humor reassured me that I hadn’t overstepped my bounds and so I smiled too. It was at that moment that Beth walked out with shopping bag in hand. Rose and I must have seemed crazy, looking at each other like that with idiotic grins stretched across our faces. Careful you two; you keep smiling like that and somebody’s going to think there’s something wrong with you and have both of you taken away, she said with a smile herself. You would have to come with us though. You told me that we can’t leave without you, remember, I retorted. Beth laughed and I thought I detected a shake in her voice. But Rose laughed too and the humor was contagious. We were up and laughing together the way that I always imagined friends should all the time. So absorbed was I in what I thought was the perfection of the moment that I completely forgot my earlier annoyance in the store. Things should be like this all the time, I thought. Laughing for laughter’s sake; not having to try so hard to find it. I shouldn’t have to put on a face like I did back in that stereotype pit. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not right now. But that’s what stores like that are for, aren’t they? So people can buy themselves an identity that they see on TV. They can have their store bought personalities. I don’t even know who they are but I’m not going to be one of them. I know who I am. I never completed that thought however. I was sent back to the moment in the store with Beth and I remembered the Say Anything shirt that I had shown her. I never found out what had happened with that. Beth, I asked, what happened to the Say Anything shirt? She smiled and this time I was sure I saw that twinkle of mischief in her eye. She reached into her shopping bag and pulled the shirt out. So you did buy it, I confirmed. She shook her head. Not buy; stole, she said. I stopped short, falling behind Beth and Rose. I was in shock, hearing that one of my friends was capable of committing such an act. I couldn’t contain myself. Beth you have to take that back, I told her. I was shaking. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, Beth said. I don’t know why you’re turning it into one. I’m not letting you steal that. I was shouting and I knew it but I didn’t care. My anger was consuming. You have to bring it back, I said. I tried to turn back but I felt Beth’s hand shut tight around my wrist. Don’t. She said it slowly and deliberately. I froze, not so much from the physical restraint of her hand on my wrist but from the forcefulness with which she spoke. That one word was commanding, and yet, at the very same time, she was pleading. I wasn’t sure what to do. Rose too hadn’t moved in a while. Her face was blank, as if this was just some TV drama and she was waiting to see how it played out. I was suddenly overcome by a wave of indecisiveness that washed away the clear, moral choice that I had been so sure of only seconds before. All this was wrong. Beth is one of my best friends, I thought. I can’t sell her down the river without a boat but I can’t just let her do this either. Rose had already turned and started walking alone. Beth stared at me for a moment longer, looking me directly in the eye. Lost for words, I could only struggle to hold my gaze. If I looked away then Beth would know that I had backed down. My legs shook and my I fought to hold back the quiver I could feel in my lower lip. Finally, she broke away and, if only for a second, I thought I had won. But then she turned and followed Rose. Standing there, alone, I couldn’t hold back anymore. My legs were weak from the confrontation and they buckled under me as I collapsed against the wall. I knew I had no choice but to follow Beth and Rose. We lived together. I couldn’t imagine going back to that apartment. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
This gripped me. I was a bit disconcerted with the writing style and the lack of quotations around conversations, but I settled in and just read. It's pretty sad that so much was stolen in one moment. I smiled as I identified with the scene in the changing room. I do that all the time. Try things on and just decide it is not me at all. I, too, love my jeans and roomy tshirts. But the end just wiped the smile off my face as I felt the friendships splinter and realized that those three people would never spend an afternoon together like that again. It's pretty sad. Thank you for sharing this with us. Alison |
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