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My Friend, Cade II
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My Friend, Cade II |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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My friend, Cade, is a gentle man. He is slow to anger – I made him mad at me once and I regretted it immediately because I realized how hard I had to push to get him upset. Also, I knew that he needed me at a time when I was needy. I was angry at him when he first went into the hospital. He is diabetic and had not been taking care of himself. He worked too hard. He was not getting enough rest. He was not eating. He was doing all the things that he shouldn’t do. When he got ill, I assumed that his diabetes was the reason. I assumed that he brought it on himself by not eating. I realize now that those assumptions were based on fear. I was afraid. Maybe I was afraid that if he was not responsible I would have to face my own mortality. Maybe that was too complex a thought at that time and I was just afraid. His kidneys were failing. He needed a transplant or faced long-term dialysis. He hated dialysis. He hated it with a passion. His sister was a kidney match so he had a transplant. Everyone thought that he would bounce back. We all heard the kidney transplant success stories. There was such hope and happiness. The kidney failed. Soon afterwards his Uncle was determined to be a match. Cade had his second transplant and it took – for awhile. He was in and out of ICU – mostly in. When he would get out, he had setbacks and would be put back in. He hated it. I began to realize that no matter what – it didn’t matter if he hadn’t eaten – there was more going on. Cade knew things weren’t right when I was still thinking he would get better. He went home finally. He smelled the sea air he loves. He felt the breeze. He heard the waves. And he went back to the hospital, back to ICU. This trip Cade found out he has pancreatic cancer – it seems like a week ago that he got that news. Today he found out it is already spreading into his liver. Cade is more than illness. He is a relatively young man. He was active and a good, caring man. He took care of others – family members are the world to him. Even in his illness, he continues to think of what is best for them. He worries about his father and how his death will impact him. He is frightened and does not want to die. Today I read of a man who has pancreatic cancer and has time to spend with his family. He, too, has only months to live. But, he can do things still. I was so sad that Cade will not have that time. He started out terribly ill – he is not going to have time to walk the beaches and drive his Harley. He is not going to be able to walk the beach and feel the tide lap at his ankles. He is not going to get on a surfboard and ride a big wave. He is not going to hit the golf course with his father. He is not going to do so many things. So, it’s really hard for me to look at the bright side. It’s really hard to find reasons for this. It’s impossible for me to find solace in faith right now. There is no solace when people – good people – are robbed of life. It is cruel to wrench their last months and make them suffer in agony. It’s a waste of time to rant and rave about what could have been – but it is almost impossible to find positives to share with a terminally ill friend. Oh, I still try. I write poetry and post it for him. I call him and tease him about his accent. I write thoughts like this to let him know that he can talk to me or know that I am listening. I refuse to blanket him in platitudes – and he does not want that. He wants to live. He wants to be loved and love. He wants to teach his children he should have how to swim. He wants to raise a family with the morals and standards that he was raised with. He wants to pass on his family name. He doesn’t have to tell me all he wants. I feel it in my heart. He will never leave me. I hope he remains with a few of you. Cade would like it here – he would love the positive attitudes. This is his kind of place. ... Ali |
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| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Ali.... you have a gift - a true gift that you share with us, with Cade, with everyone - it's your touchprint that sits on my shoulder when I am low, it's your touchprint that you gift us here with your writing and your love for Cade... my wish for you is that you find strength from within for the days that follow... love you lots my dear darling friend... your sadness is felt. love RDB xxxx Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Dear Alison, As long as you breathe, Cade will remain with you and with others. You will never forget him and never allow the world to forget what a beautiful human being it lost when it does in fact lose Cade. You will speak his name and share with all who you know and meet the essence of Cade… And my dear friend, I will help you. Your words for Cade are truly remarkable and they are introducing Cade to many in their gentle and loving way… Tammy<333 |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with your friend Cade... in his world you must be an angel for him...James |
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Jaime Fradera Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843Where no tyranny is tolerable |
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Aliiiiiiiii Thank you for sharing this intensely painful experience. It could not have been easy to reveal this publickly, or write about it. Now, Having read this, I will always think twice about cutting corners and remember to take care of myself. Know that, here, you are cared about and loved. xoxoxoxoxoxo Jaime Friendship is for Life, if not Forever. |
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