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Wild Dreams\kind of long
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Wild Dreams\kind of long |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Wild dreams Paws pounding and running through the night. A bright light is chasing me. I run for my life. The brightness singed my fur when I pawed at it earlier. The rabbit I was stalking ran right into it. The big hunters must have put it up. There was the rabbit then it was gone. The bright light grew then. This is a living nightmare. It started to come at me by way of the dry brush. Familiar scents overwhelm me; I am close to the home den. Instants hint at danger as I run forward and snarl. Snarl with all my might. If the cubs hear they will dig back into the den. My cubs; one blackened on one ear a hunter born, one with spots on each leg, a curious fellow, and a third pale cub, weak as a newborn, if they heard they would live. The tree on the waterside of the territory. I leap up it. The bright flame is licking hungrily at the base of the tree waiting to devour it. The big hunters have this light, fire they call it. The fire licks at the branch I am balanced upon. I leap up. Whimpers and snarls. I look over. The fire has spread over to where the den is. It goes up the tunnel. To the cubs. My cubs. Mine. More out of rage from what was being done to mine, than an urge to protect, I leap, a bright agile outline against the dark night. I run at the flames. A great heat spreads up my legs. I run out, snarling. Again and again I jump into the fire. Each time I am forced to retreat farther and farther away. The whimpers and snarls die away. Once again I am being chased by the fire. Running running. I leap, and skid in my tracks. The wetness at the edge of the ground. I am between the two great fears: fire and water. The flames flicker at my legs and I sense what happened to my cubs. Out of sheer terror I make a bold move I leap into the water. Cold freezing cold. I swim a tree length out. At the end mud squishing in my claws, I collapse. Looked up and light was breaking over the sky. Not light that hurts you but light that is peaceful. Light that seemed to say that once everything was wrong it could be all right again. I dreamed of things so far off. Of fresh meat and cubs and quiet. Just as I awoke I smelled the ash from the fire and knew it was not so. Light breaks all over the sky and it was fading light now, the sunset’s fiery colors made me remember the fire, I flinch at the sight. In the distance the light sinks. On my paws again, I hear out of a hole in the dirt high-pitched whimpering. Out come, an ear spotted black, a pale tail and brown spotted paw. Cubs dig out. I nuzzle them sniffing. Mine. Mine are safe. It is a dream I believe. That after it all we could still live. Rustling in the leaves. Gunshots, and then the scent of fresh blood. One shot went wild and tearing pain. It shoots into my paw. I leaned to sniff my paw the second shot misses me but hits something. My cubs are dead. Lying together the shot had gone through one and out the other. My last cub, the weakling was blind and no use. I limp off. The pale cub follows. I stumble. Light dawn was spreading about the sky again I heard a crack. I smelled blood. The pale cub had fallen into a trap. I limp over. Sniffing my cub I curled up and went to sleep. I wake to a gruff hand opening the trap. I snarl, the hand and body attached backs up and my hackles rose. I dislike the idea of the big hunters having my cub. I grab my cub from the mouth of the open trap and sulk off. I lay the cub down on charred grass. Nosing the cub I discover its fragile body cold. I begin to lope off. Getting as far away as possible from that place. When I stop, out of breath and exhausted, I am in the far hills. I try to take a step I fall. Cannot get up. So exhausted, out of breath, just want the pain to be gone. I know that if I go to sleep I will never wake again. I drift off… I begin to dream in daylight. Dream of drifting to a place where I cannot be burned or torn up, drifting to a place where wrongs could be right again. Dreaming of a place where I could be wild and free as I had once been. I am hoping and dreaming. Dreaming wild dreams. [This message has been edited by rhia_5779 (06-10-2006 05:30 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Rhia~ Only because you seek some 'constructive critique' do I offer any~ This has potential, but it is extremely difficult to read it without some paragraph structure being put in~ It just seems to all run together and that just makes it awfully hard for me to read~ I think you can make something of it ... just take your time and 'polish' it for the reader~ It's certainly not 'kind of long' ...~ Hope this is a little of the critique that you're seeking~ I certainly don't consider myself much of a 'critiquer' ... in the sense that I wouldn't want to re-write your thoughts ... I just honestly feel a better presentation is called for ... and I think you can do that easily enough~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Sorry , about the paragraphs, I tried to fix it, and thought i had but the edits I made didn't save. My apologies. Hoped you liked it anyway. |
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