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openthoughts
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 94
Where the child can be free

0 posted 2006-02-15 12:08 PM

Before anyone reads this I want to say that it is not a true story. The events in this story are not true. It is merely a story of a dream. A nightmare more specifically. In fact, it is the only nightmare I can recall ever having and every time I read this story to myself, it leaves me shaking. It is my greatest fear revealed...
"Hey Jeff! You're fat!"
"Only as bloated as you are Eric." The fued was common between us. The combination of the joking manner and deep sibling rivalry resulted in these small debates with no deep thought behind any of the insults.

As I put on my jacket, I heard a small whistling from behind me. I was used to this sound and so I moved my head slightly to the left to allow a small pillow fly past me. I turned around and there was Eric with a stupid grin on his face in an attempt to look completely innocent. I toyed with the idea of hitting him or throwing something back but pushed it out of my mind. He was just fooling around so he didn't really deserve to get a punch in the face for it. Instead, I returned his smile while putting on my shoes.

"You're gonna be okay while I'm out, right?" I asked.
"Where ya going anyway?" He returned.
"I'm going to the movies with a few friends."
"Whatcha seeing?"
"Doesn't matter really. Something I know you want to see so I'm going without you to piss you off."
"I hate you."
I smiled again. "No you don't. I'm your favorite brother ever."
"Like hell." He shot back, but it was with another smile. I swear, smiling is more contagious than they make it out to be. You smile once and everyone will smile multiple times.

I felt a little uneasy about leaving Eric home alone. My parents were gone for the weekend and they felt I was old enough and responsible enough to take care of Eric for two days. They even gave me premission to go out with my friends one night so I was exercising the right. Eric wass tweleve and could take care of himself. He'd done it before.

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"Oh great. He showed up after all." Jake pretended to be pissed but I took it in stride. Honestly, I wanted to hit him but he was just kidding so I restrained myself.
"Yeah yeah I'm here. Sorry to disappoint you. I know you were praying I would get hit while crossing Pitt's." I grinned to show that I was just going along with the joke.
"You crossed Pitt's Road this late?" Jenn seemed shocked. I looked out the glass doors of the movie theater. The sun was slowly retreating, leaving scarlet streaks across the sky that blended into a velvet sea along the eastern horizon.
"There's still enough light to see by." I remarked.
"Yeah but nobody stops on Pitt's. They see you crossing and speed up like they want to nail you." Evan said.
"Damn right. Those damn pedestrians. They're always in the way." I pretended to be driving down an imaginary road and watch an imaginary pedestrain sail over the roof of an imaginary car. Everyone laughed for a few seconds before resuming the conversation. The joke was sick and I knew it but sometimes that's how teenagers are. At least that's how we were. We knew that none of us really wanted anything like that.
"Is everyone here?" I asked.
"Everyone except Jackie." Jake answered.
"Someone refresh me. Are we waiting for her?" Evan asked.
"No she's not coming." said Jenn.
"Dammit. I haven't seen her in months. What happened to her?" I asked. Jake shrugged.
"Eaten by a hungry garden gnome most likely. Why? You like her or something?"
"Oh come on. Why is it that I can't miss someone without it meaning that I have a crush on them? I'm done with that and you know it. At least for the time being. It's just that she never comes." I don't know why I even bothered protesting. I knew nobody would believe me, truth or lies. It's just the way things go. People are so used to lies that suddenly there's no such thing as truth anymore.

Jenn and Evan got on line for tickets when Sara walked in. It wasn't like her to be late but sometimes it happens so it wasn't that big a deal. She just quietly joined Jake and I on the snack line. In fact, I didn't even notice she had shown up.
"Boo!" Sara grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted in my ear. I slowly turned around to face her.
"Hi Sara."
"Damn. Why can't I scare you?"
"Because I live with Eric and have to look at his face everyday. Now nothing scares me." Sara laughed and gave me a hug just as Evan and Jenn came back with the tickets.
"Oooo. Jeff and Sara sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N..." Evan didn't get to finish because Sara had latched onto him too and was giving him a hug.
"That was just to shut you up. Evan, you can be such an ass sometimes."
"I know. But I'll never be as bad as Jeff."
"That cuts me real deep Evan. Real deep." I pretended to cry. That got me a hug from both Jenn and Sara. Jake held out his arms.
"Does someone need a hug?" Jake asked.
"Not from you." I answered laughing.
"Come on. The movie's gonna start." Evan seemed anxious so we followed him into the theater.

When we sat down, Evan leaned over to me and nudged my arm.
"Hey Jeff. I saw Jessie yesterday."
"I know."
"How do you know already?"
"She told me online."
"Why was she talking to you?"
I got a little angry at that. "Just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean she's not my friend."
"Yeah I know. Sorry. I don't know why I said that."
"It's ok. I wanna know something though. Why'd you leave me out again?"
"Oh come on Jeff. Would you really have wanted to go?"
"Yes! I have friends there too you know. Just cause I'm not dating doesn't mean I can't see my friends. I haven't seen Jackie in two months at least. Same goes for Jessie. I feel like I'm getting left out and just pushed to the side." Just then, the movie started. Evan stopped talking and I sighed. Everytime I tried to talk to my friends about something serious, they either weren't paying attention or something gets in the way.

Fifteen minutes later, my cell started ringing.
"Jeff shut the off! What's wrong with you?" Jake hissed.
"Hold on. It's from home." Since Eric was the only one home, it had to be from him. I ran out to take the call.
"Hello?" A shakey voice responded.
"Jeff. I need you. Please come home."
"Can't it wait until after the movie?"
"No." His voice was quiet and it almost seemed like it was painful for him to speak.
"I'll be home as soon as I can." I assured him. I ran back in, tripping over feet that people had kindly left in the aisle, as if they purposely wanted to trip me or at least slow me down. The darkness of the theater used to be comforting. It offered privacy and solace. Now it was an obstruction. I couldn't find my friends to tell them that I needed to go. It was just slowing me down. I finally stumbled into the right row.

"What's wrong?" I was only slightly out of breath but even that slight lack of air made it difficult to explain

"Eric needs me at home right now apparently. I'm kinda worried. He sounded pretty out of it." I whispered to my friends between breaths.

"Couldn't he wait for the end of the movie?" Sara asked.

"I guess not. Don't worry about it. It's probably nothing. I'll see you guys later." I grabbed my jacket, said some brief goodbyes, and ran out of the theater. The sun had almost completely abandoned its post by now, leaving a bloody streak across the sky. It did not offer adequate light to see by but I really didn't have a choice so I was forced to make due with the dull glow of streetlights. I followed the trail of streetlights down to the violent Pitt's Road that everyone feared. They had good reason to. It was a road that definitly would not fall beneath the dictionary definition of "safe".

While standing at the corner, waiting for the crossing signal to change, I felt my pocket begin to vibrate. It took me a moment before realizing it was my cell. I picked up the phone without checking to see who it was.

"Hello?" I needed to hear a voice to figure out who called. The one that answered was barely inaudible but yet still recognizable.

"Hey." answered Eric, "Are you coming back?" There was definitly something wrong.

"Yeah I'll be back soon."

"Please..." His voice faded slightly.

"Eric, is everything OK?" There was one answer I desperatly didn't want to hear. Only one word that I didn't want him to say. It seems like the words you don't want to hear are usually the ones that are spoken. That and how a single word that's barely even whispered can change a situation drastically.

"No..."

I hadn't noticed that the light had turn green, telling me to cross. I didn't remember seeing it change but the moment I stepped out into the street, it started to blink. A stupid warning telling me to slow down and be careful. There wasn't time to be careful. I broke into a full sprint as the light that was holding back a line of cars turned green. Dozens uncaring drivers, anxious to reach what would probably be unimportant destinations, stepped on dozens of obedient gas pedals. I was caught without an exit as cars droze past me in colorful blurs. I was so close to the other side. If only...I decided to try to run for it. I could feel my legs move relucatantly, slowly picking up speed. After a few eternal seconds, I had reached the other side. Correction. I had almost reached the other side. I could feel slight impact on the back of my left leg. Instinctly, I spun to decrease the force of the impact but fell as I did, watching a blur drive by as I did. My head hit the pavement right next to the sidewalk. Not willing to stop for the pain until I was safe, I dragged myself on to the sidewalk and collapsed. There was searing pain in both my head and foot and I could taste blood. For a moment, I was dazed and lost. It wasn't long before I remembered what I needed to do though. I pulled myself to my feet and stumbled for a moment, trying to find a center of balance. Once obtained, I staggered up the hill to my house.

The walk home was long and painful. I probably wouldn't have pushed myself to keep moving if the circumstances weren't so dire. The only thing going through my mind was that I was needed and it was urgent. Pain would have to wait in line until I was ready for it. The walk was made in a trance and it wasn't until I reached the garage door of my house that I realized I had been walking (or at least limping). While frantically punching in the code, my imagination ran free. Insane possibilities ran through my head. Absurd possibilities. Scary possibilities.

Was it just me or was the garage door moving slower than usual? It seemed to take forever before there was a space large enough for me to duck under. I moved as quickly as I could while putting minimal pressure on my left foot so that it wouldn't hurt too much. Didn't even bother to close the garage.

Going up the stairs, I expected the worst. Was the house robbed? No, Eric would have called the police before he called me. Was he sick? Probably. He probably wasn't feeling good. Most likely he threw up all over himself and didn't know what to do. Yeah that was it, I told myself reassuringly. He was sick. That's all.

I wish I had been right. What I wouldn't give to have been right. I could have dealt with Eric's previously digested food on the recently vaccumed floor. I know where most of the cleaning supplies is in my house. I could have taken care of that. I'll never be able to take care of what actually happened. I still spend so much time pretending it didn't happen, while actually replaying it like an old movie in my memory.

"Eric?!" I called out. The only sound that followed were footsteps from upstairs. That had to be him. I raced upstairs, wincing with each step. The only light on upstairs was coming from the room I shared with him so I figured that would be the best bet.

I could've gone the other way. I wish I had.

There was Eric, crosslegged on the floor of our room, cradling a black handgun.

"I'm sorry Jeff. I'm sorry I made you come home. I'm sorry I pulled you away from your friends. I'm sorry I was mean to you. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry."
There was a tear running down his cheek.

"Eric. Listen to me. There's nothing to be sorry for. Don't worry. I've been mean to you too but you know I'm not serious when I say bad things to you. Don't be sorry."

"I'm sorry Jeff...." The tear was hanging from his chin now and a new one was forming in his eye.

"Don't be sorry! Just give me the gun and we'll get you some help."

"I'm sorry Jeff. You can go back to the movie now. You didn't need to be here after all." He pointed the gun at his head.

"NO!" I screamed and dived forward, trying to knock him off balance somehow but I was paralyzed by a deafening roar. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, the once translucent tear had fallen red.

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That all seems so long ago. Today, the sky seems to cry with me. At least the tears of the sky are the same color as mine. Clear. Like they should be.

My leg never got completely better. The doctors all said it was fine but I don't care what they say. It still hurts to walk on my left leg.

My dreams have been crowded. Too many uninvited guests. Every night's sleep is accompanied by dreams of speeding blur, sidewalks of infinity, a deafening roar, and a scarlet tear that falls from a pitch black sky with a bloody wound at the western horizon....

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA