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I Don't Recall
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I Don't Recall |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States 
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I Don't Recall By Larry Chadwick There are certainly many stories with punch lines that rely on “I forget”. I have laughed at my share but not all of our lost thoughts are grounds for humor. It seems few has forgotten things as effectively as Ronald Reagan did when he was President. But I have grown rather fond of the things that rely on my recall. However, it is rather like having an inside track on information at work. For all the satisfaction I get from knowing about what is going to happen I always regret when I learn of an impending dismissal of a peer. It makes me wish I could choose what information I acquire. I see forgetfulness in much the same way. I would like to choose what it is I forget. I have a grade school teacher that taught in a multi-grade classroom when I was a young boy. Often when reflecting on those four years I find myself feeling sorry for Mr. Vander Mei. Then I spent some time with a classmate reminiscing. After we were done I felt twice as sorry for my teacher. She remembered an equal amount of high jinks from the same time period. Obviously my mind is unable to recall a large quantity of memorable experiences. It is apparent that I do not get to choose what I forget. It is rather like the seventy-five year old man, with bad eyesight that prevented him from finding his ball. So he took his eighty-five year old brother-in-law, with excellent eyesight, along as his caddy. He hit the ball off the first tee and it was long and straight down the middle of the fairway. He was all excited as his brother-in-law gave him the report. They hopped in the golf cart and dashed towards the green. “Now,” he said, “where did it go?” “Well,” replied the older man, “I forget.” Of course there is always the challenge of those things you would like to forget but cannot. All of us have our regrets. And occasionally those memories may have been forgotten. So for those lapses I am grateful. But there are always others who take satisfaction in reminding us of that which we have forgotten. Never has my recall been more frustrating to me than trying to recall memories with my daughter after she died. My compensation instead has been to collect some of the memories of others about her. I find it is not a bad substitution for my forgetfulness. But then I realize that in my forgetting, the true pain of her loss is lessened. Perhaps because I would rather focus on the meaning her life gave than the loss her death imposed. Maybe there is a small element of choice in forgetting, after all. Seems I am compelled to embrace forgetfulness. Just don’t take me golfing. November 27, 2005 If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Larry "Never has my recall been more frustrating to me than trying to recall memories with my daughter after she died. My compensation instead has been to collect some of the memories of others about her. I find it is not a bad substitution for my forgetfulness. But then I realize that in my forgetting, the true pain of her loss is lessened. Perhaps because I would rather focus on the meaning her life gave than the loss her death imposed. Maybe there is a small element of choice in forgetting, after all. Seems I am compelled to embrace forgetfulness. Just don’t take me golfing." I've tried to get information about Michelle in this same way and for the same reason. She lived only 8 years, and it was such a long time ago, that I have forgotten much. The part that bothers me the most, is the real way of her face or sound of her laugh. I would like to remember those things, but can't. My other children hardly remember her as they were even younger then she when she died. And my X husband doesn't like to talk about her...it makes him too sad. And Larry? I don't golf, but I loved your story about the two old gents who did. Hugs for this...I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I always read you!  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Larry, you called it right. Some things we just forget...gray cells die off, we get older...it just happens. At other times, the forgetting is the body protecting itself. Many times one cannot recall the split-second of an accident or even the short time afterwards. POW's cannot remember all of the tortures they went through. It's as if the brain knows that the rememberance would cause too much pain to handle. I, for example, can't remember my ex-wife!  When they say "time heals all wounds", they speak true. The experiences are deadened or lessened with time. Those that cannot be are unrecallable. The mind will always do whatever it takes to survive, whether we like it or not.It's like the old fellow crying on the parkbench and the young fellow sitting next to him says "Whatsamatter, old timer? You all alone in this world?" to which the man replies, "All alone?? you kidding? Last month I married a 24 year old beauty whose madly in love with me. Every morning she fixes me breakfast. When I come back home there is a delicious dinner waiting for me. Every night she tells me she loves me and we go to bed and make passionate love - every night!!!" "So why are you crying?", said the younger man. The old fellow replies, "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!!!!" So that's the way it is, Larry. Just remember...the good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet a lot of new people! FORE!!  |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Martie, No apologies required. Thank you so much for your generous response. I do know what you mean about the details you would like to recall. I always enjoy hearing of your Michelle. Peace. Michael,  You are indeed a good friend. And the mind is amazing as you say. While I've heard of the type of things you refer to I had failed to recall them. I appreciate that perspective much more than ever before. Thanks pal. Keep your head down.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I understand the frustrations of this loss of memory, as I get my lapses of it as well. I do believe we are more concentrated on the joys of celebrating them when they were alive than the weight of the loss Larry, and that causes a loss of memory for me. I just hate going to that time and suppose Mike is right, we have a built-in defense mecanism for our own heart maybe. Enjoyed your lapse of memory, which I am sure is only temporary. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
When you first wrote this, Larry, I was having a bit of a pity party for myself. I have experienced three deaths in the month of November...and it scares me that I will "forget" someday, the love of these people, that I had for them, and they for me. I knew I would willingly come back to this, to leave a response... but I do understand...and further, I understand why you needed to write this. Just like I have had the need to write a few of my own, lately. Don't worry, Sir. You are very much appreciated for all of your rememberings...and for sharing your losses so well. You keep Ginger alive... and you do it with humble daditude... |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
Larry, I am so glad that I did not miss this one for it reminded me that some meories may fade with time but LOVE is unconditional and is held in our hearts ... forever. Thank you for helping me remember this. Hugs! always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Larry darling man, you have not been having a "Pity party", what you have been doing is dealing with your memories the only way you can. I am always impressed by your writing, you have a way of transferring your feelings onto the screen with an ability that I truly wish I had. Lately my memories have been rather muddled, that of course is the effect of the pain meds I am on, but still I wish I could grasp a few more of them right now. One of my fondest memories is reading your beautiful poetry, and thoughts of Ginger, who shines evermore in your heart and in the words you've written about her. Truly she was a gift, and so are you, to each and every one of those who visit PiP's. There were times in hospital, and as I say there still are, when I cannot remember something. I do remember almost all of my wedding day, which is something I am glad about. But there are several gaps before and after that I'd love to fill in, just for my own peace of mind. Hopefully some if not all will return when and if the medication is sufficiently reduced to stop me falling asleep at the drop of a hat. That's another reason I'm not around on the boards lately, I cannot keep my eyes and my mind open long enough to write a coherent response. Your words are always welcome, your memories will remain forever, since you've written them down and they are kept in this special box of delights, PiP's, and thank you so very much for giving me a window to see them through. May your eyes always see the rainbows that come after the rain of sorrow Love and warm stuff As always Mushy X x x x x x x x Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Sharon, Thank you dear friend. I just found it interesting to launch my thoughts on the frustration of memory loss and the to discover that buried in that process are some blessings I had not considered. Amazing how virtually every negative side of life has within it somewhere a blessing. And I know you know. Karilea, If ever anyone coined a word that is so full of meaning it is you. Daditude. I love that. Thanks. And for all the grace you show in the losses of your life by your Passion behavior, thank you. You are a blessing to us all. Janette, How lovely of you to pop in! And thank you so much. Marsha, Ah sweet lady. How challenging to experience such severe pain in the middle of such a joyous event. We miss you terribly and pray for your recovery. Thank you dear friend. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
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