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There was a note on my bed when you left - 4
| Passions in Prose |
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There was a note on my bed when you left - 4 |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow 
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There are times when conversation becomes silent and psychic. When electricity combines two people, like elements, some meld together so perfectly, others..well, you know.. The clock winds so quickly..days, months and years can go by..without words that have substance, without love or desire...we felt that, for awhile, we lost that.. "Sometimes, I still feel the scars burning.." "As do I, but it's over now.." "My mind won't allow me to forget things so quickly..it's not that I still feel anger, all that's left is memories and guilt.." "Well, it's simple, cease to feel.." "That's impossible, you know that. I am incapable of being numb, that's our only difference.." "But you know I still love you.." "I still love you, too." "Why do you feel guilt, then?" "Because I forgot for one instant, for one moment..that is enough for me." |
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| © Copyright 2005 Meghan Armitage - All Rights Reserved | |||
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skoolyardturtle Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96 |
beautiful I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.- The Postal Service |
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Annie78 Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 469here then there then back here |
did you ever capture what goes on in my head at times...this was great Annie |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
simply beautiful. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
When I looked at this at first, I thought that it did not belong here. Indeed, from the outset it looks like a poem. I believe some may construe it as such! But let's look at it as prose, since this is the prose forum. When I thought it was a poem I chastised myself, realizing that what you are doing here is a lot like an experimental prose form I've been wanting to try. You've taken two points of view and clashed them together in one prose piece. About this note: The piece acts as a dialog but it is a dialog written in the style of the note. I don't know if you did this intentionally, but as the responding voice speaks I get the sense that the narrator is trying to formulate her response to the note. It's a dialog on paper. The only problem I have with this is that it's too short. I wish you'd draw it out more. I like the bit about forgetting for one instant. Perhaps you could flesh that out a bit more too. Any idiot can see that the result is true. |
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pictureme2 Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 194 |
I liked how this was written, however I have to agree with a previous comment. Draw it out a bit. I wanted to read more! Nice job. pictureme2 |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
The only explanation I have is that there are 3 more parts that came before it..all here in the prose forum. |
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
This piece (in toto rather than as a single part) reminded me of a short story. Like an old Science-fiction story. A single conversation but spread over periods of time. Each piece an instance yet distant from each other while intertwining interesting. I aint as good as I once was but I'm as good, once, as I ever was. - Toby Keith |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
enjoyed reading this...James |
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