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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2005-03-16 06:20 AM

For You

Cleaning off the desk, there it was,
a card, resting on top of a pile of bills.
Curious to see who it was from and
why it lay there.

This past year had been such a blur.

The red heart so deeply hued that I knew
as I picked it up, it had to be a
Valentine's Day card.

"Who from," I tried to remember,
not that I receive many anymore.

As I opened it, my eyes filled with tears,
sobs coming from my feelings of abandonment.
Reading the message to myself, "We are sisters.
I love wishing good things for you
and I hope your heart feels them all coming true."
And then seeing the left handed backward slant
of her name, "Marcia."

*****

I am finding it so hard right now, needing her,
although she is no longer here.
Someone to comfort me when feeling distressed.
To give me strength when feeling weak.

I wake each morning reaching for the phone,
saying to myself. "She'll know what to do.
She'll make me laugh at something silly."

And wanting to spend the day with her...
just because.

But when I call, I forget that it is her voice,
still, on the answering machine.
"Hi, we aren't able to come to the phone right now,
but would love to talk with you, if you
would like to leave a message."

Beep, Beep, Beep...
so many I have to wait for,
so many people always leaving messages there...

I listen to all the beeps, then hang up
without saying a word.
Sometimes I redial, just to hear the softness
and lilt of her voice. Always I cry, picturing
those last days, wishing I had done more,
shared more, touched more, so I can have more of her
inside me, with me.

I couldn't call for a while. I couldn't hear
her voice back then and would think
to myself, "Why David, why do you keep that message
on there, when it surprises and hurts to hear it,
still."

*****

"I know why", I say to myself, this morning.
"It's the only real thing we have left...it
is something she has given us, a present
left behind for us."

And as I get ready to call today, finalizing plans
for the laying of the footstone,
I prepare myself, and calm my racing heart.

"I can do this. I can do this for her. I know I can."
1-410- 922-.........

*****

to M from M

**it's not very good but since I am not
in the best mode right now it's all I can seem to do...

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (03-16-2005 07:01 AM).]

bslicker

Member Elite

since 2000-12-04

Posts 2321
state of mind

1 posted 2005-03-16 09:54 AM

Hugs
((((((((M)))))))
bernie

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

2 posted 2005-03-16 12:09 PM

goose bumps.

A few weeks ago I called my ex-sister-in-law, who now lives in my ex-mother-law's house. Mum died almost 5 yrs ago..and it's still her voice on the machine. When I heard it I couldn't breathe. It hurt and felt good at the same time.

I haven't brought myself to call back.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

3 posted 2005-03-16 12:22 PM

A special write. You grabbed my heartstrings, pulling them tightly. Glad you took the challenge.

miscee

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2005-03-16 05:03 PM

OH you...

I wrote you before I read this...

so let me add, that you never fail to move me--your heart is in everything you write, it's impossible to NOT be touched by your words.

And yes, I would say this qualifies as dialogue, as I believe she was speaking to you too.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2005-03-16 06:35 PM

...eerie....well done too!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2005-03-16 07:49 PM

Thank you all, I tried to stop by the cemetery today, when I was out with my 80 year old Aunts but there was a construction fire in downtown Baltimore...keeping me in traffic for over an hour just to move two blocks. Darkness came before I reached the gates...

Maybe she has read this instead, and I didn't have to tell her about it after all(she always did enjoy my words)

M

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