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Freedom in Bondage.....part one
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Freedom in Bondage.....part one |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio 
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There was never any pretense; not on his part anyhow. She wasn't his wife or his girlfriend. She was his whore, his special one, as he liked to call her, but nevertheless a whore. She knew that from the beginning. He made it very clear and let her know this is how it had to be. He prided himself on being the rational one between the two, as he already caught the dreamy look in her eyes by the second meeting of mutual need. Not to say that he didn't have any feelings or care for her, just that he prided himself on being realistic enough to know how to draw the line; that this was essentially an arrangement conceived by two lustful stangers in need and the dreaded L word would not make an appearance here. She had a habit of that though, (falling in love); tried to stop it and keep it as only an arrangement since she needed this too , but heart always seeped in after a while. And if she were to sleep with a lover more than one time, it was inevitable that the starryeyed girl look would paint the expression over her wanting face. This one started out a bit differently for her then the others. As a matter of fact, it damn well threw a curve into her tidy world, where first impresssions were usally the guiding lights to indicte how the story may evolve. He wasn't an artist, musician or poet. Not a younger stud that she had a hankering for lately, as life had started to take her on a faster ride through in these last few years which lead up to the big and sometimes feard 5 - 0. But there was something about this one. They met about a week before the presidential election. She didn't need to ask whom he would be pushing the lever for ,as it was written in his screaming yellow button down garden variety nerd shirt. She made a snap judgment that this one wouldn't make it past their first kiss, if she would even allow him to sneak one in on her. She did though, let him sneak one in, and as expected, she was far from impressed with its timidity and noncommital quality. So they said goodye and as he was planning ahead to their first official encounter between the sheets, she was nodding yes, but thinking never. But something happened........ They spoke a few days later by phone, and she could tell that he wanted to seal the deal, using some polished flattery and fawning all over her, as if to bait her.. And she loved it, but was far from sold on this one. She saw she had a live one, so figured she'd try out her trademark saucy tongue on him. Such a shrew she was, and curious to see if this one had enough true grit for the again goddess whore/poet she prided herself on being. He asked her if she would like to meet him again. She blurted out that the yellow shirt he wore was as blaring as a September schoolbus, and that she would have preferred it if he wore a black one instead. While she had his desire, she went on to say that she didn't appreciate him not holding the heavy steel door of the fast food joint that they exited, long enough, as it clipped her dainty foot. A wench she was; most men would have told her to piss off after that, but he didn't. She could hear his smile over the phone, as he was more than obliging in both his yessing her that he would only wear black teeshirts in the future,if he were to be lucky enought to have another chance to be with her, and that he must have had an offday, as he was a gentleman, and would never allow a door to maim the foot of such a lovely lady. So he earned his first points for kissing up. Her ego devoured worship. She agreed to meet again, but was still not completely sold. Yes,she loved the kiss up, but knew she'd get bored of that after a bit; there was too much fire in her for a yes man. She needed to be taken and brought to her knees. It would be the only way she could develop the blend of respect and desire that she required, in order to be the quintessential whore for a deserving master. And much to her surprise, the hiding beast came out from behind the boyscout, moments before she was getting ready to toss him into the sea of the others before him, that could never meet her fire. It was his treasure chest of trinkets that he dangled before her wanting eyes, along with his alter ego bedroom persona, that turned the yellow button down shirt nerd of her first impression, into the man she would soon lovingly call her master. He no longer had to plead or seal the deal; he already had her at that point. [This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (03-12-2005 10:26 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You tell a good story mish.  It's certainly an intriguing subject, and what with all the focus on dialogue of late, I'm fascinated at what you accomplish without it. And well yeah, if I was going to nitpick, I'd say there was some awkward sentence structure here and there, a few typos that distracted me, but the subject is fascinating, and I hope you continue to delve deeper into the psychology of your chosen theme. I'm looking forward to reading more. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
thanks serene one, and yes, im a sloppy one with that, gotta pull in my own reigns... thanks for reading through this, youre feedback means a lot to me. |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
I agree with Serenity Blaze, but the main thing here is to keep on writing....very compelling......as far as "kudos" goes, thats fine, but there is no need ...titles and poems and themes always suggest themselves in shared dialogs...they do not belong to anyone in particular..... And you write: "but heart always seeped in after a while," So real so true so honest and if the heart did not seep in what an arid wasteland we would populate.......~P |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
yes what a wasteland it would be.... thanks paulie for the reminder |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm going to lay it on you (as you say in your critique box)... I think you should have this moved to the Mature Forum and write it the way you want to. I feel you were holding back (rightly so) because it's in an open forum. But you know we do have prose in the MC forums! I'm not sure I get the point where 'he' becomes so masterful..it's almost like you rushed to the ending here. I like the idea and your writing and would really like to read more about this lady in MC.  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
*smiling wide Michele* I don't think you wanted to go any further with this, it reads to me as if you are basically telling of a meeting and what transpired. I am so proud of you for doing this and yes, I agree - as I need work myself, on sentences and punctuation, but this is a beauty. You nailed it with the last sentence. And I know you, if you wanted this to be full of sex, it would have been. *grin* 100 points for Miss Inked. Love, Suzie |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
thanks kids and yea, suzz right on the money didnt want the smut in it this time far from finished with it, just the first part. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
*grin* I thought so. |
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bklynboy Senior Member
since 2002-12-15
Posts 660florida |
yada yada yada,,,you can take your time writing part 2. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Well, this is fantastic.... and this.. "She blurted out that the yellow shirt he wore was as blaring as a September schoolbus, and that she would have preferred it if he wore a black one instead." i believe i've read from one of your poems yes? I am trying to rem the title, hmm "the colour yellow" Anyway the lines above took me back to that poem. You do tell a great story, i for one look forward to reading more. Maree "we all have wings, but some of us don't know why" |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
thanks for stopping by |
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