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Alone
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Alone |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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ALONE The sun was shining bright today. A gentle breeze blowing in from the south. I could hear the birds singing in the nearby trees. Perfect. A perfect day for a football game, anyway. I walked the sideline, an overexcited parent cheering every play. I yelled, I screamed, I sighed. I let my son know it was ok when things didn't go as planned. I praised him when they did. All in all, it was an ordinary Saturday here. A son doing everything in his power to make his daddy proud. A proud daddy trying to be everything he can for his son. Even an ex-wife who walks right up to you offering hugs and "innocent" flirtations, like she wasn't the life-sucking vacuum that swallowed your soul whole just three years ago then spit it out to the dogs. A cloud glided over the sun for just a second. I glanced to the sky and for a single tingling moment, the world around me slipped into slow motion. I saw my son running off the field, excitement so clear in his eyes. I saw my ex-wife standing before me, seeking a silent confirmation that she still meant something in my life, throwing fake sentiment like a flower child at a Royal wedding. I saw mouths moving everywhere, unable to hear the words, yet fully aware of everything that was being said. I was aware of the child with no shoes on getting a drink at the water fountain. I was aware of the woman in white watching her two year old go down the slide. I was aware of the young couple walking on the other side of the field, seemingly miles away, holding hands, laughing, sharing new love. I was aware that the temperature had dropped ten degrees in a split second in time, chilling me when no one else even seemed to notice. Most of all, I became aware that in the midst of friends, in the midst of family, while surrounded by hundreds of people all with a common interest, I was, I am - alone. ------------------ Michael Anderson I could not love except where Death Was mingling his with Beauty's breath - Or Hymen, Time, and Destiny Were stalking between her and me. EAP [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 10-03-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Profound statement my friend and one I identify with everyday. Loneliness is our lot in life, 'tis merely broken up by periods of brief encounter as our spark drifts closer to another, only to drift away. Enjoy what you can in life for not only will it not come again, but otherwise you leave any trace of belonging behind you. Stick your hand in the fire and keep getting burned because those moments when we are not alone or lonely are truly precious gifts. The memory of once belonging may be all you have left when your spark sputters and goes dark. BTW, you are one of my memories in the making.  ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
You've described something I could never have put into words so exactly. That feeling is a constant for me...I'm always alone, in spite of what is around me. I like how you got your point across in what reads like easy conversation. Excellent, Michael. ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Seems like something we forget we're alone inside. With those around us all the time we believe that we're not. Writting help us realize that. Am glad you found your silent friend, and reminded each of us who seek the voice within. Thank you. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I cry as I read this. Perfection in prose aside, it's a story of a soul that is frozen in time, waiting....and I know you will not be alone forever. I know it! Offers of friendship probably sound hollow right now, so I won't even say it. You know what I want to say anyway. Take care. |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
This was so sad....and so true.No one ever realizes how alone they are. Friends never see it.Family see's it but ignore it. Each of us struggles so hard in our own little worlds,forgetting we are sll part of the world itself.Felt this one deeply. ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
*sigh* I am now on my fourth 'clicking' of this reply box. Each click, ever determined to say something helpful...profound. And you know what? I know there's not a single thing I can say...that anyone can say to make you feel less alone. Right now, with everything I can muster, I truly wish there was...because I know alone, and it just flat out sucks. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Agree with the sentiments Michael, (and you were concerned about posting here!) Also, I wanted to add that: "like she wasn't the life-sucking vacuum that swallowed your soul whole three years ago then spit it out to the dogs." Is one of the COLDEST lines I have ever read! A WD and a GJ! |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
Being alone is an perpetual state..we are ,within always alone..Brava. Jenny |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well, I questioned even posting this as I was just writing in my journal today - but I'm glad I did now. I thank each and all of you for the responses, the understanding, and even for a somewhat shared aloneness. Oh yeah, and Chris, I'm glad you found that line chilling, just be glad you've never met my ex... ------------------ Michael Anderson I could not love except where Death Was mingling his with Beauty's breath - Or Hymen, Time, and Destiny Were stalking between her and me. EAP |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Michael: I empathise with the feeling of emotion being suspended whilst watching from outside of yourself...I guess I think of it as self preservation or a way of shutting down in order to deal with something that has such a conflicting affect on us... I'll ditto PDV but add: I wish I could give you a hug. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Wow,that was great....the feeling of no matter how much you belonged in the past, you always end up alone.....I think everyone feels that at least sometimes. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
I could really feel this with you....Like a movie - with the sound turned off...and you standing there in the silence of the screen.....wow. Gave me goosebumps seeing you there, babe. Chilling... ------------------ I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow, this I could feel |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow. Awesome expression of the physical environment - I could really FEEL this. Wonderful, Michael. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"like she wasn't the life-sucking vacuum that swallowed your soul whole three years ago then spit it out to the dogs." What is really chilling about that line to me, is that I know my ex feels that way about me... How weird life can be.. See? Now you make me think too much. Your talent knows no limit..  I feel as if today, I have gotten to know you.."cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Piercing thoughts. Most visit a place as this in their thoughts, but very few can be as expressive as you have done here. Very sad, but so true to life. JL She said: ”You look cute in the dark.” |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
I had read this 3 days ago but hadnt replied then...what is amazing is that yesterday i was just sitting in class(our history class was boring that day) and i kept thinking of the last line ...its so strange it just kept coming to my mind.I dont think anything has ever had such an impact on me...i can relate to it in some ways. thks for the read, a123 |
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UniqueFreak Member
since 2004-01-09
Posts 62Scotland |
i loved it!! Simple yet sincere and so very true. nice write! Stephi |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
"and for a single tingling moment, the world around me slipped into slow motion." And you described this so amazingly well! That feeling, we all must have experienced at some time in our life. You've really captured it here. Wonderful write! |
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