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A Few Facets of Caring
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A Few Facets of Caring |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States 
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A Few Facets of Caring By Larry Chadwick For a friend... It turns out that if we hang on to the thread of each friendship shared, we weave a tapestry of healing. But our weaving mostly occurs in the darkest times when we feel the least prepared. Seldom do we find a moment when we are at our best because we are weak. Grief and loss is just such a moment. Weave while you are able by gathering all the threads that you can grasp. Then share your tapestry with all who contributed so that they might glimpse the beauty of your growth. For grief without growth is pain without purpose. I ponder what I may have meant to friends who were in distress. The times when they were oppressed by grief or stress. Were my feeble words enough? Was my silence too much? Could they have used a hug? Did they resent my hug? Was the card enough? Was the cash all right? Should I have left sooner or stayed longer? Or should I have stayed away? Was it all right to call? Did I intrude on their need to be alone? Or did I stay away too long? Insecurity has rarely intruded on my life. But it seemed that I could not imagine what they felt or needed. Was it better just to let time be the healer or should I be involved? It never occurred to me that I would answer all of my questions through my own need. It never occurred to me that all of us eventually find our own answers to these questions. When questions of need were farthest from my heart I found myself in need. Unprepared, I was in need. No warnings were provided. And in my need I had no expectations that it was the duty of others to meet my need. But in rapid succession the questions I now was not asking were being answered. The “I don’t know what to say.” Told me that in spite of their not being prepared they cared enough to risk not knowing what to say. It met my need. The presence of another who had nothing to say at all but still did not leave. It met my need. And the faltering, stuttering attempts at some type of touch indicated a desire to reach out regardless of how awkward it felt. It met my need. The hugs were never too many but each was enough to meet my need. For those whose courage could not overcome the barriers that sent cards instead, they met my need. And in the cost of attending my grief the gifts to cover expenses were a total shock. But they met my need. There were those who popped in and ducked back out quickly. Others popped in and seemed to have no intention of a departure. But each met my need exactly. And for those who stayed away, eventually our paths crossed and at a time when I least expected it and most needed it they met my need. The phone never seemed more like a lifeline even when it intruded. It met my need. A mosaic of responses so diversified by interaction with friends and family that was spread over time and place that I was seldom left without someone there to meet my need. The loss of my daughter was not bearable just because of my faith but also because of my friends who were willing to bear my burdens. I found such power in the knowing. And so I reflect on my friends. It leaves me wondering about how many needs are there for which I have no clue. Some seem to block the opportunity to let others meet their needs. Perhaps by withholding information. Or maybe by not making themselves available. Being alone has its value but being always alone will not meet your needs. Nothing feeds your soul like a friend who cares. You cannot love yourself enough to compensate for that truth. Still I wonder. I do not have that much to offer. But I am willing to contribute to the collective whole that heals and meets needs. It turns out that I can imagine what it means to hurt. Now what I cannot imagine is not being allowed to demonstrate that I care. I never expected to know what it means to hurt because I am not allowed to care. It is worse than not knowing how to care. So if you find yourself in need, if you struggle with dying, grief, stress or burdens please do not build walls or doors with locks. I will not force my way in. Just know I would rather mess up trying to care then not being allowed to care at all. Turns out we need each other and I was too blind to see it. I really wanted you to know how much I care. Peace… October 4, 2004 If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. [This message has been edited by Larry C (10-07-2004 09:59 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Larry, it's leaving the door open when we only appear to have closed it, or when we have in fact closed the door, those are the times when we need those we love to poke their heads in and ask, "you ok?"  or maybe just offer some bunny hugs  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"Nothing feeds your soul like a friend who cares. You cannot love yourself enough to compensate for that truth." A very profound truth, m'friend. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Susan, Why am I not surprised how wise you are on this subject? And...bunny hugs are very healing. Thanks.  Kacy, Thanks sweetie. It is nice to see you in here. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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wllz.on.ice Junior Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 35the united kingdom. |
It's like reading something ive always known, but never thought about. It's like an expression of truth that looks better than a photograph. I'll never understand you Larry. You're a great man, here's my passage of support for something i suppose time will never heal. <3 |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
wllz.on.ice, Ya' know, well, you should know. Amazing. If you ever need another dad let me be the first to volunteer. You're the best. Thanks for such generous thoughts. You made my day...again. Peace. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
quote:Just knowing that there is no right or wrong way, or proper time to care is the key to offering love or support to those suffering. Funny how when you give away, you always receive more than you wished for isn't it? This put me in mind of seeing a simple smile given the other day to a homeless man, who in turn gave the man his apple, and wisely enough he took it too  Very wisely worded m'friend, and you have indeed grown in your process, and so will anyone who tags along on your journey. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
It's always nice to know someone out there cares |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Larry, You astound me once again! You know exactly the right questions and right words. I kept nodded my head, thinking yeah, I remember that feeling... Great write. misc'a |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Sharon, You spot the coolest things! And thank you for all your nice comments. I'm glad you are a part of the ride. Ruth, And it's amazing how much it helps. Thanks dear lady. Cathy, Well you put a smile on this face. Thanks that felt pretty good. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
"But I am willing to contribute to the collective whole that heals and meets needs. It turns out that I can imagine what it means to hurt. Now what I cannot imagine is not being allowed to demonstrate that I care. I never expected to know what it means to hurt because I am not allowed to care. It is worse than not knowing how to care." Larry, dear man, you are a precious soul, yes you are! Your sharing brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being a caring person and thanks for posting this lovely piece. ......jo |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
jo! Thank you dear lady. You made my dear. Sorry for the tears. But bless you. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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