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Kate
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Kate |
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TheGirlNoOneKnew Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92PA, USA |
He says he loves me....he always does. Sometimes in the darkness of the night, I can feel him staring into my eyes and it makes me want to cry. I feel like such a horrible person, some days I want to die for how I am acting. He doesn't know.I can't tell him. How do you tell the one who loves that you're in love with somebody else? He wants to spend the rest of his life with me....as he gets down on one knee,the tears begin to fall. He has no idea who I am...what I've done...if only he knew. 'Will you be my wife?', He whispers to me, pulling my hands away from my face. I can't look him in the eyes....I can not say a word. My head racing, my heart breaking...because his touch wasn't yours, the words that he spoke weren't coming from you. I had to know....it was the only way...if there still was a chance for us. I show up at your door, my hair soaked from the pouring rain, desperately trying to read the expression on your face. You take a step back in surprise as I ask if its okay for me to come inside. You nod slowly....and stepped aside...I trembled as my body pressed against yours. I turned around and told you...that he asked me to marry him. I searched for the answer on your face and...I got nothing. You wanted to know why I was here...why I had shown up in the middle of the night. I nervously wringed my hands together as I tried to come up with the right words to say. How could I tell you how much I still loved you? How could I possibly explain to you what my life had been like since you left? I shook my head, gathering my thoughts.....and then....SHE came walking down the stairs...her white nightgown clinging to her body. You looked at me...at the shock on my face...and it began to dawn on you. She took ahold of your arm and told you that she'd be upstairs waiting...and I blinked back tears as she disappeared from sight. You said that you were engaged...and had been for months. You didn't tell me because we hadn't talked in awhile. Apparently she was the love of your life....the one that you had been searching for. Words started to flow out now...anything and everything I could think of. That everything you had ever promised me was a lie. Forever was a lie. My life was a lie. Did you even take into consideration what you did to me....how badly you messed me up inside? And it was then that I answered your question of why I was here. Because I still love you, I said softly. Because I have been kidding myself for all these months. I have treated Greg, like second best and he didn't deserve that. I wanted to know if there was still a chance for us...but I can see that there isn't....I've made a mistake coming here... You leaned forward and gently put a strand of my hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes as I savored your touch for the very last time. Listen...you said,your voice quiet...I've always thought about you too...about how much I screwed up...I was so scared of loving you...because I knew that you could do better than me Kate. You were destined for great things, I wasn't...you had all the answers to life, I didn't. You were my everything you know, and I'm sorry that I hurt you the way that I did. And I would do anything to make it up to you. I smiled sadly at you...knowing that what I wanted from you,you could never give me. What we had was the past and it would stay the past. The only thing that I could do now is hope that Greg would still forgive me.... He was waiting for me, back at home...the tv on and I knew from his breathing that he wasn't asleep yet. I crawled into bed next to him, and hugged him with all my might. He rolled over and faced me, his eyes filled with tears. I never wanted to cause him any pain. I was selfish and I knew this and it would take a both of us a long time to get over what had happened tonight. I wasn't ready for marriage and I don't think he was either. He was just scared of losing me to the ghost of my past...but little did he know that he was my present and my future. He said he loved me...he always does...and I never quite knew how much it meant up until now. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Stunning writing, very real and painful but smooth and lfowing as well. Write on Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Very VERY good work. You have an excelent knack for capturing emotion. KWM Life is a path, not a destination. We travel along it one way or another. Always going somewhere but never ariving. Walking the path is always bett |
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