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mytuesdaywishes
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

0 posted 2003-09-29 06:36 PM



so it’s 3 am…and I cant sleep again. this seems to be happening a lot lately. I never open my blinds so I dont know if the moon’s out tonight, but I feel this cold air coming from the hard drive, so I know it must be watching. it’s just me and my pink 10-year-old eveready flashlight that seems to be able to illuminate a lot more than I thought it could, I guess duracell has outdone itself yet again. I’m sitting on the floor with the keyboard on my lap because my chair is all the way over theeere and my room is covered with [EDITED BY ADMINISTRATOR] . but the light in my eveready is yellowish, doesnt  feel pure, it’s casting a jaundice temperament on my sleeve where I can see quite clearly a small scab is healing. the light makes everything look like old newspaper that’s been through one too many rains and cant remember which driveway it’s supposed to be on anyway. the funniest thing though, is the way my hands look. they’re old and wrinkled, they look like you could break all the joints of my fingers off separately if you tried. maybe this is what it’s like to be old, to have your history written right where you write. the eveready is foreshadowing in the shadow. but I can really see it, the third crease, second knuckle, on my left middle finger—I see the window I punched through because I made naomi cry because I didnt want her to spend the night at jessica’s house on the last night of summer up in cleveland georgia. thats my selfish knuckle. and the first band below my right wrist is where they taught me not to land if I fell from a trick. thats where I landed anyway, put my hand right down and snap. that’s my band of recklessness that just cant bring itself to listen. and I bite my nails because it’s like second nature to me, it’s like sleeping. I dont know what to do with myself without it. so they look dirty and rugged and....good enough to eat to me because ive gotta eat away at something before it eats away at me...and my fingertips are jealous of everyone else who has perfectly long elegant fingernails with just the right amount of whiteness, and just the right amount of charm. my greedy fingernails are short with envy. and the deepest creases of all run right through my palm, and the ones in the center cut deepest, and they’re there to remind me of all the cruel and unusual words that have escaped my lips that i never knew could cut anyone else so deeply...and still, for every valley that runs through my flesh there is an adjacent callous from the walls we build because I, too, have felt that pain. i turn it over, see the back of my left hand. right below the beauty mark in the bottom left corner, the beauty mark that my best friend gave me for my birthday because she was beautiful...right below it though, there’s a patch of skin a shade darker than all the rest. another thing I got for my birthday, a birthmark they call it. my only gift from the giver of discolored skin. this is from the shades that i have painted the world with...no, this is from the shades the world has painted me. im following my arm up, back to where the center of my eveready is. it makes a circle right in the bend of my elbow, where there will forever be a blanket of raw and scarred skin, the cross i bear to remind me that no matter how hard I scratch, the only one Im hurting is myself. this is the 16-year-itch.


and even when everything was wrong, and we were mad at the world, it was still beautiful.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (09-29-2003 06:38 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Rachael - All Rights Reserved
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

1 posted 2003-09-29 10:09 PM


I really think that this is great. we have a seeperate forum for prose and stuff if you'd rather put it there. otherwise, I enjoyed the read. eh...I'm feeling a stupid 15 year inch but...a year is a year anyways.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Bonfirelight
Member
since 2003-06-19
Posts 85
London, England
2 posted 2003-11-03 08:27 AM


That is a truly great write.

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