Being Ok - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-04-22 01:49 PM

                       Being Ok

   I remember the day distinctly, that I realized I was worth so much more. So many things had become knots. It was as if my life was like a sack of sugar new from the grocery store poured into a larger container, all smooth and silky sifted out at first, to be gone back to later, to find it all lumpy.
   I was frozen in a life that strangled my breath and emotions. I began the day with strength poured from a pot, strong and hot warming me inside out. It somehow shared my inspiration on a path of follow through (thank God for that).
   I sat there steaming in my cup, realizing I had become frightened. Scared of life. Petrified to live it. Afraid of chance. Terrified to lose, but even more afraid to win. When was it that I learned that the touch of happiness was a punishment? And now I ached to feel it. Desire now of it, became my main focal point. And excitement steered my feet past my fears.
   The morning was still dark as I started my journey. Yet I needed to wait just a little while longer, not to steady my nerves, but the moment had to be right. In my wait I told myself there were no knights to rescue me. I had to be my own hero to conquer these dragons. And just before light peaked under the veil of darkness, I took my keys and started up my own steed.
   A 5 speed can give you power that you need when you don’t have that power on your own. And today, it was its power I needed. Funny to think about… but I am afraid of driving fast – that was caused by a wreck I was in, that every time I drove fast, I felt a panic, that it would happen again and the car would lose control and all would end this time. But today I realized it was all ending as it was going on.
   So I started the car.
   I had been wanting to drive the beach loop since I got the Talon but hadn’t, but this morning I HAD to. I went through the neighboring city like a visitor making my way to the stretch of beach road that I knew would let me open up and if it did all end there, it would be a beautiful and pleasant ending.
   I knew at just the right place on this road to let the miles melt and fly, for I have made this loop many times just to fill myself up again when empty, seeing the beauty of the gulf. There is something so pure about that sight, which every time you see it, it is like your first view. And on this new journey, it had to be part of it. Where the water sparkled at dawn, I opened my eyes wide and hit 4th.
   I knew it was taking a chance speeding now- if I got caught here there would be no “get out of jail free cards”. Here I was a stranger out on my own. But I also knew if I didn’t…I would never be able to breathe. I saw a few cars on the other side of the road and no traffic from sunbathers cluttering, it was too early. In the distance I saw a clear path. I pushed in the clutch, turned Winnona up LOUD, and jammed 5th.
   My knee on the gas trembled a bit and I could feel my palms wet against the steering wheel. I wanted to ease off the gas and back down. My head started feeling a little light as the sand whizzed by. I could feel that familiar panic. I wondered if I was freezing again and started to back down. Then I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my past and KNEW I couldn’t end up as “driving Ms Daisy” through my life nor could I be the woman down the street with 100 cats, so my toes went to concrete and the speedometer went up, up, UP.
   I was only going fast for about fifteen or twenty minutes but it felt like a new lifetime. I had done it, YES I HAD DONE IT. And from that moment on, I knew…I was going to be ok.

[This message has been edited by 1slick_lady (04-22-2003 02:04 PM).]

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

1 posted 2003-04-22 02:54 PM

Helen,
Your number one fan stopping in. Just gotta say how much your writing enriches my life and renews my soul. Awesome write. I'd cruise life in 5th with you anytime!

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2003-04-22 03:01 PM

Times of speed during times of need
With your trusty steed,
Nice read indeed

Gloom

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

3 posted 2003-04-23 01:45 AM

i enjoyied this very much,it held my interest from one line to the next.

keep writeing!!!!!!!!!!!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2003-04-23 02:40 AM

smile...

just past 1:30 a.m. here--and still okay.

hmmm...

yanno what?

my pc clock actually says 1:38--and not sleeping when you're weary ain't okay--and sleeping with one eye open sure the hell isn't...

thanks for the epiphany!

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

5 posted 2003-04-24 03:49 PM

We all need to floor it sometimes, you did, and I felt the rush. Thank you.

Regards,
Olias.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.