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No Title Yet pt.2
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No Title Yet pt.2 |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain 
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Light shed unto the pair, as they made their way through the foliage and dampness. Glad to have such gifts, they traveled on, as if nothing way to happen in one-way or another. But yet it was, and they did not know of it or any other surprises. Pushing forth into the blankness, where no one knew, or had mapped, the mother poured sweat, the baby discomforted, and life for the both never worse. To give thanks to the trees, the mother knelt down for the allotted time and prayed upon end that her journey would be safe, and her life and strength plentiful. With this done and over with she continued on through the elements, hoping that she could brave them. Darkness then overcame them; night was back to the land. The baby cried with such emphasis on the wails, that the poor mother was forced to rest. Hiding the baby safe in a crevasse, she went in search for nourishment. With none to be found within a mile of the twos camp, she returned, without food, and to the wail of her mournful baby. Basking in the moons glow, the two rested, yet uneasily did the mother sleep. Birds squawked a nighttime song, lulling many towards their cries. Crickets joined the seemingly deathful mourn, chirping a sad love song, reminded the mother of the family she once knew. She traveled back and forth between the reality and fantasies worlds she had grown accustomed to. Suddenly, with a scream and then silence again, the forest was alive and dead at once. Looking over to her baby and the final resting place for the evening, it was still there, sleeping as it looked. Going over the give the child a blessing, she leaned forth to the tiny bundle of whitish blue blanket lying there. But what she saw, she gasped as in cry, for her baby was dead, lying there without breath or life. Almost as suddenly as it had started the dream ended. Awakened with a start, the mother went over to her infant. It was fine, as expected, but she noticed something strange about it. Its eyes had lost the glow of touch, the cheeks not as rosy as so many times before. Not knowing what else to do, the mother laid and wept for the child, knowing unless help was brought, then it would die, and no doubt she right behind it. Picking up the bundle, she ran as fast as she could, through the night, cutting the black in half with her blade. In the distance, a fire burned brighter than the sun itself. She thought for sure, that the gods in the heaven put it there just for her babies purpose, for it to live, just as the trees had said. So it was that she ran as hard as her legs would take her, through the forest until the green underbrush, that she had pushed back, was rubbing its pigment off on her feet. After no time at all, she stopped to rest, only to find that the city was farther off than it had been before. She cursed herself for being so negligent as to waste a human life because of stupidity. So she cried, and the baby died in her arms, there in the forest without an end. Still, she carried it back as far as the tree where it was once hidden, and there in the tree was a light glowing endlessly, up above it smoke, as she had seen in visions but also reality. She placed the child there, and as quickly as she had ran away, the child was taken away. The mother wept endlessly, for her daughter was gone, but blessed be the child, for it returned, but only in the mother’s hope was it alive. So the mother traveled on, again the lonely one, in a town that did not want her, and the thieves that did not need her. Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Fariegirl Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147 |
wow, your good. c u in school! |
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Fariegirl Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147 |
She ran deep into the forest while branches heaved with thorns tore at her skin and clothing. She wouldn’t stop running for anything, for she wanted to get as far away from Kelentra as possible. She quivered to think about all the secrets that small town held. The secretes that had killed so many. So many including Kathryn’s friend Gaby. True, Gaby had been a pixie; nevertheless, Amanda wished for no creature to have to die. She had held the biggest secret of them all, she had killed her lover. She now regretted that sin more than any ever could. She found a small bolder to rest herself upon, she sat, but quickly jumped up, for the stone was quite hot. She looked at it carefully, examining every part of it. She finally found a small hole, amazingly, her ring fit perfectly. She took off her ring and placed it in the hole. Elfish words appeared in the stone, they appeared to be burnt in, but were quite cool. She read them carefully, but did not understand. It was a letter, to her, from Josh. She heard knights coming toward her. She copied the message, took her ring, and ran. She ran back toward the town of Kelentra, but stopped, for the secrets of the place haunted her memory like a thousand bad dreams. She closed her eyes tight, trying to erase the bad memories, yet they stayed in her mind. She sat down and wept, she missed Josh so much that she could not look at anything without seeing his face, or feeling his presence. 2-4/2-5-03 (a little thing of my own) |
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Fariegirl Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147 |
She ran outside, ran through the wind and the rain to get there. She was tired, but it had all been worth it. She was there, the place that she had been striving to go ever since Josh was taken. She came upon the gates of the castle and knocked. The sound of her opened hand hitting against the massive wooden door was like an unwelcome message of bad news. She waited, but there was no reply. She knocked again, this time the giant doors swung open. She had expected to see the castle, but there was nothing but dessert. The doors shut behind her, she looked back at them, but there was a stone wall. She found herself in a dungeon. She looked out of the small window and saw the black-cloaked knights coming toward her. As they entered her cell she tried to get past them, but they grabbed her. She looked back and saw Josh. “Josh, help me, please.” She said to the almost ghost-like man, but he just sat there, as helpless as she had been the night that the knights had taken away her husband. “Josh!” she screamed to him. She had been having thoses dreams for weeks now. 2-5/2-6-03 i thought you might want to see this and tell me your opinion, good or bad. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Faeriegirl - if you want opinions on your own work, you should post it in a new thread, and not in someone else's thread. This thread is for replying to Riley's work. If you want to share yours, click "new topic" and start your own thread, and people will (or won't, this forum tends to be empty) respond to you in there. On to my criticism of the story! Let me get my thinking cap on.  You should stretch the story out a lot more, Riley. This reads too much like a retelling, or summary, of a long series of events. Try to explore the state of mind present in your characters, give some thoughts from the mother, give her a personality and use it in your storytelling. Basically, zoom in. Everything you've written in this story so far, could probably have been a novel if you filled in enough of the gaps. Each sentence makes a statement that's dead to the reader as fact, like they're reading a history textbook, because you just tell that it happened, and not how it happened. Give a paragraph or two to each of the individual events, stretch them out and fill them with prettiness. Much love!  Brian "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. ~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (02-06-2003 01:20 PM).] |
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