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Bus Stop
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Bus Stop |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Waiting for the bus on a gray January night, smoking a fairly cheep five dollar cigar and pondering the fact that five dollars once was the price of a Good cigar. A light snow begins to fall drifting slowly down between the tall building to change from white to black as they touch the dirty street, but as the fluffy flakes are drifting they are lovely. He sends a puff of pungent smoke to greet them on their descent watching as he leans on his cane wrapped in the warmth of his long black leather jacket. Just a few others wait for the bus, but they stand back against the wall of the old store that once served coffee and pastries to the business people arriving to work. How the window are plywood barriers and the clientele are spiders, rats and drug addicts that had hoped to escape. There is no escape, except the bus to another place and a rearrangement of basic thoughts. Drug addicts are just hard liner drunks and winos who spend their lives trying not to think just barely being. A stripper from one of the less sleazy clubs walks up to the bus stop with her big bag of skimpy outfits and scrubbed clean of makeup. She stares off into space and watches the snowflakes. A blank expression comes over her and perhaps she is thinking of a time of her youth when snow meant fun and play. The bus arrives and the small group slowly files in paying with small bits of cash or bus passes. I climb in last being somewhat slower than the rest and easily find a seat on the nearly empty bus. The snow has stopped as the bus begins moving once more through the dirty potholed streets. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2003 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
Nice I liked the way you described the people and the past -ash I'm just kickin it up |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I can imagine what you see through those eyes of yours each day PG, and that was a very, very vivid description of a very sad truth. I see it here on passing only, but I see it. Well done indeed. ~ The soul lies buried in ink that does not flow ~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice descriptive writing...James |
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lorenlynn Member
since 2003-01-27
Posts 203California Beaches |
Very visual and interesting. |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
A very engaging little story. It drew me in enough to make me want more. "Get busy living, or get busy dying. Thats damn right!" ~Shawshank Redemption |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
In interesting piece. Your sentences could use a little touching up. They are rather awkward in some places. The whole piece is somewhat remeniscent of C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" with it's bus to another place. All in all, though, you've created a dark world with a slight sense of embittered hope. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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