Conversations With Susie - pipTalk Forums

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Passions in Prose

Conversations With Susie

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2003-01-23 10:37 AM

"I guess it's just common sense," she says, as she files heartache away between 'forgotten' and 'gone', "and if you looked pathetic up in the dictionary, you would see my picture."

"That's not true," I protest, "Besides, it's not your fault he whored around."   She flops down on the bed beside me and sighs.

"Yeah, but I could have done something."  Susie flings her hair around, the blonde strands flying in the stale air, and I wonder why she cares so much.  She's gorgeous.  You know the type, perfectly thin and proportionate, tall, blonde with blue eyes and dazzling smiles.  The type who make you wonder why they would ever want to hang around with you in the first place.

"No, Sus, you couldn't've.  Besides, you deserve way better than him in the first place."

[This message has been edited by Allysa (01-24-2003 10:28 AM).]

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

1 posted 2003-01-31 02:29 AM

Hi Allysa,

I enjoyed your write, especially the line about filing heartache between forgotten and gone but this prose feels incomplete..can you write more so that i can read more?

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2003-01-31 02:23 PM

Just when it seemed to be going, ot stopped!

I was really enjoying it; so much so, I want more.

Much much more.

Maybe continue on with the conversation(s), bringing it to a conclusion with more depth in the bulk of words... so that the moral point you were trying to make it more readily felt.

~Titus

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2003-02-04 04:38 AM

Enjoyed...James

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

4 posted 2003-02-04 12:24 PM

More please!

I be me BUT who does me be?

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