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She Was Skinny
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She Was Skinny |
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Jaime
Registered
MemberPosts 250 |
I have to go to the doctor. I’ve always hated going to the doctor, but not because I’m afraid of needles or anything. I hate it because every time I go to the doctor they weigh me on their scale and every time my mother stands directly behind me. Every time I hope it won’t go past 120, but I know that it will. I haven’t been 120 since 6th grade. My mother sighs when it stops at 138 and without looking at her, I can feel her shaking her head in disgust. I remember once she told me that I should only ever weigh 120, and 125 at the most. She said the name of this woman (I guess I was supposed to know who she was) who was a model and almost 30. She only weighed 116. That day I bought cheesecake from a store and when she saw me she pinched my fat until I cried out and she said, “Well it wouldn’t hurt if it wasn’t there, now would it?” I explained to my mother once that muscle weighs more than fat does, and considering I was running 5 miles everyday I had probably built on my muscles. She said that I was still eating too much junk. Mommy knew as well as I did that I only ate once a day. A small cup of tomato soup, a salad with no dressing, an apple, an orange… (One time I cried even when mommy wasn’t standing there. The nurse looked and looked, but saw nothing.) So I’m going to the doctor today for a CAT scan. I have severe headaches and they want to make sure my brain is alright. They may not weigh me because I was there last week. 138. “Soon you’ll be as fat as I am,” she said. A couple nights later I woke up in the middle of the night. I’ve been sleeping on the couch because I’m redecorating my room. I was about to roll over when I heard someone in the bathroom. They were throwing up. I thought maybe my brother was sick. I got up and looked into his room, but he was asleep. I crawled back into the blankets on the couch. When I heard the bathroom door open I pretended to be asleep. I peaked though, just a tiny bit. Mommy walked out of the bathroom with a bottle of Scope in her hand. 12.11.02 i was here |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jaime - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Now I better understand your reply on my prose piece... this breaks my heart for so many reasons... some of which are the reflections I see in your words..and for others I love that know this cycle as well. Many of them find writing a healing release, I hope the same for you. You wrote this so that I felt it..thats a gift... Im just sorry anyone has to experience these things. Be who you are hon...thats all we can do... hugs to you Jaime  |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I must say, again, I am in awe of your skill. You write people into life. hugs... Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
a bloody cacth-22, busy body or apathetic, there does not seem to be difference. where's daddy? and people wonder why so many of us say that the fashion industry should be canned. -majnu |
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Ephraim Junior Member
since 2002-12-07
Posts 24 |
You put into words here.... what you're feeling, what you're seeing, the good and the bad... all with blunt, painful honesty and detachment. You should continue with this prose thing. ~Ephraim |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
this was haunting. a subject i know all too well. you did a great job telling the story. keep going. please. /jen/ 'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead] |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Jaime~ This is such a heartbreaking write. I felt every word of this as I read and I just wanted to hug you. You have told this story in such an effective manner that it comes alive for the reader. You are a very talented writer, my friend. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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