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Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

0 posted 2002-12-06 04:35 PM

Be gentle. It's my first time.

Seriously, I've never tried to write prose before (does this even count?) so I'd appreciate your feedback. Thanks.

------------------------------------------------

A tan coloured moth with small brown spots flies around the lighting fixtures towards the ceiling of the bathroom. Frantically it shoots itself at the different light bulbs and away and then back again. So busy, like a bee, but not. Just a tan coloured moth with small brown spots. I vaguely remember hearing something a long time ago about why moths fly around lights outside at night. Something.. something about how they use the light of the moon for directional source to their home. Apparently, they can get confused by all of the fake "moons".

How sad for all of the moths looking for their way home, following the light, and then to be lost in the transparent jungle of darkness when the light does eventually go out. And you know, inevitably it does. It will. When I turn off the light switch I wait a few moments and listen. The fluttering and tapping sound has stopped and I can't quite feel the room breathing the way it did before. But I can feel the moth breathing. Silent. Still. Inhale. Exhale.

Leaving the room, I know that the moth will fly to the nearest light source. It will search for a light in the darkness and then flap around it lovingly. (I tried to explain to the moth, You could pass for a butterfly in the dark.) I'm tempted to turn on a lamp in the hallway in order to save the moth some trouble, even if it is an electronic illusion that will never lead him home. But then it occurs to me..

I'd hear the desolate sounds of the moth flapping his wings enthusiasticly in the swallowing darkness towards.. nothing.

I pass the lamp in the hallway without turning it on and walk into my bedroom. The shadows seem to gather, penetrating my skin, and find their way into the rhymthmic pumping of my blood. I lay down in my bed and close my eyes. I try to forget the moth in the bathroom. In the dark. But I imagine his tiny eyes darting and shifting and if he could speak, what would he say? (I told him, You could be a butterfly in the dark.)

From the silence I could hear a small pitch, becoming loud. It sounded like a heart beating fast.

And I knew it was not mine.

i was here

[This message has been edited by Jaime (12-06-2002 04:38 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2002-12-06 04:43 PM

Leaving the room, I know that the moth will fly to the nearest light source. It will search for a light in the darkness and then flap around it lovingly. (I tried to explain to the moth, You could pass for a butterfly in the dark.)

I'm tempted to turn on a lamp in the hallway in order to save the moth some trouble, even if it is an electronic illusion that will never lead him home.

But then it occurs to me..

I'd hear the desolate sounds of the moth flapping his wings enthusiasticly in the swallowing darkness towards.. nothing.

I pass the lamp in the hallway without turning it and walk into my bedroom. The shadows seem to gather, penetrating my skin, and find their way into the rhymthmic pumping of my blood. I lay down in my bed and close my eyes. I try to forget the moth in the bathroom. In the dark. But I imagine his tiny eyes darting and shifting and if he could speak, what would he say? (I told him, You could be a butterfly in the dark.)

From the silence I could hear a small pitch, becoming loud. It sounded like a heart beating fast.

And I knew it was not mine.

=========================================

(I tried to explain to the moth, You could pass for a butterfly in the dark.)

OMG......

yes dear...IT COUNTS!!!!
and you, being new...could have no idea what this one does to me.....
welcome to Passions Jaime...so nice to have you here with us...
excuse me while I make sure some friends see this.

jm
(mothyme)

just one line ... one rhyme ... one metered verse ...
if only I could inspire in you ... promised poetic coerce.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2002-12-06 04:48 PM

something about how they use the light of the moon for directional source to their home. Apparently, they can get confused by all of the fake "moons".

How sad for all of the moths looking for their way home, following the light, and then to be lost in the transparent jungle of darkness when the light does eventually go out. And you know, inevitably it does. It will.
===============================

oh my...............

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2002-12-06 04:50 PM

it counts.... one can never ignore a moth.

nicely done... some touching thoughts here that reveal heart and sensivity. The beginning could probably be rewritten to tighten it up and perhaps to make the reader immediately want to continue. But all in all I's say it was nicely done.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2002-12-06 04:55 PM

Jaime

"I tried to explain to the moth, You could pass for a butterfly in the dark."

This whole sensitive write, and those lines above in partiular, is wonderful!

Very much enjoyed!

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

5 posted 2002-12-06 05:06 PM

I was a little nervous about posting this, but I wanted to take a dive.

CpatHair - you know, I was thinking the same thing. I'll work on it a bit.

Thanks for your kindness and honesty.

i was here

[This message has been edited by Jaime (12-06-2002 05:08 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-12-06 05:28 PM

Very impressive stuff, Jaime...

Don't you ever get sick of being a newbie?

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

7 posted 2002-12-06 05:31 PM

Yeah, well.. I thought about it. (I did) And I just want to be Jaime. So this screen name seemed appropriate.

i was here

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

8 posted 2002-12-06 07:21 PM

Wow. That was absolutely amazing. It counts. Very much so. I smiled, and assumed you knew Janet Marie from the title, but apparently, from her reply, you didn't. *smile* Insight without knowing that its insight worries me sometimes. I guess writing does that to everyone. I'm rambling now. heh... ok, a wonderful piece, loved it!

Kielo

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-12-06 10:57 PM

one can never ignore a moth?

*flapping wings and blushing*

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2002-12-09 08:47 AM

Marking, to come back and read...

[Jaime, you wrote a keeper...]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

11 posted 2002-12-09 01:08 PM

just came back to read this gem again...
~~~~
(sorry, didnt realize you were a reregistering member)

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

12 posted 2002-12-09 02:23 PM

I have been a member before but I wasn't around much so I don't think it counts.

(Dark Enchantress) I still have no idea what the moth's significance to you is though.

(Thanks everyone!)

i was here

[This message has been edited by Jaime (12-09-2002 02:26 PM).]

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

13 posted 2002-12-14 12:46 PM

i love your writing, all of it.

and brian, maybe she just likes the attention. hahaha.

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead]

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

14 posted 2002-12-14 08:45 PM

No, the problem is you don't get any attention. lol I was in the discussion forum "participating" in a discussion (what else?) and basically talking to the little blue walls.

I swear. This is the last time I change. I'm comfortable here.

Life is where you look for it.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

15 posted 2002-12-15 01:14 AM

glad to hear that.

we all need to find that little place where we're comfortable.

i'm still looking.

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead]

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

16 posted 2002-12-15 01:48 AM

Jaime,
Excellent write. And I thought I was on JM's list. Had to find this for myself.

Write some more is really good.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

17 posted 2002-12-17 09:25 PM

I'm with Larry, here.  I thought I was on
JM's list too.  Ya live and learn.

Jaime~
This is an incredible piece of writing and
I am truly impressed.  I have had some of these
thoughts before, but you've penned them more beautifully
than I ever could have.
Of course, I couldn't help but think of our resident moth,
Janet Marie, as I read this and I KNEW she would
absolutely LOVE it.*note to self-find out why
you're not on JM's mailing list*
Anyway, you can bet that I'll be watching for more
from you, Jaime.  You have quite a talent, my friend.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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