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too late IS too late
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too late IS too late |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace 
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too late IS too late I heard it on the radio, so I bought it. And I played the song over and over till I knew it in my heart and could say the words without thinking. It made me feel a certain way. It was like it was written from my memory but the author was a stranger. It was a soul piercing piece that took me back to then, with the rush of wind whirling in my ears and my being transformed to a time I couldn’t stop. I had forgotten it. Put it in a place of forget. There, it was safe and I didn’t dwell on or in it. But out of nowhere here it was. That feeling. Hot. Uneasy. And there you were again. Standing in front of me. I looked to see if there was an escape, but none in sight. Once again I had to face it. The pleasure, the pain. So, I play the song again. Maybe I didn’t deal with my emotions as well as I had assumed. Maybe with this, I was a physiatrist dream patient. I knew with you I had held back. And didn’t want to, but did. Circumstances beyond my control led me to leave so much of me out. The part maybe I should have given you and didn’t. And too late is too late. What was I so damn afraid of? Was it that I thought if I gave all, you wouldn’t love me? Was I afraid if I did, you would? I now remember that day as if it was yesterday. The sound of pin drop, the smell of my anticipation, just the glimmer of your eyes. And yet, It Was yesterday, so many yesterdays. And the space between us was distance. Distance of distance. Distance of miles. Distance of in your shadows was another, that loved you that you didn’t love. Distance in one who depended on me. Distance of obligations and how I felt the yoke of eggs breaking in my heart separating shell from white and mixing me up. The streets we walked were dirty. I loved the sound of the grit beneath my feet. I hung on to your eyes and hand as if I had known you forever. As you showed me things you kept secret from others, things they wouldn’t understand. You opened up like a book of broken spine spilling and let me see inside places you shelter from all hurts. With you I felt belong but had to hide it as I had to keep my composure as not let you see I did feel. If I let you know anything was there, it might let you have the advantage. Advantage of my emotions. I wonder now if that would have been so bad. Would the pain of rejection be as traumatic as the pain of loss of something I wanted and never had? How can you miss so much of something you never had? So we walked. Walked through streets we both knew but saw as new. I wanted things to go so differently between us but I held back. How could I sit there and not touch you the way I wanted? How could I have let it all slip away as sugar drifted from lips I longed to kiss as coffee was served up sweet and light? I had kissed those lips. In my dreams. Now, in my reality. I did kiss you. You kissed me. The world stopped in your touch. Why did I just not say so? Too late is too late. Later I lay in your arms. Having done this a million times before in my mind, and nothing played out the way I wanted it to. I should have leaned in closer to your edge and later worried about regret. The regret of doing things I did instead of the things I didn’t. When we did touch I felt my soul melt like cellophane into every crease of you. Patterning myself to each pore. There were times you made me lose my breath, and I had too much refrain. Damn that song. The tune of inability to let go. And I said “NO” . Yes, damn that word no, and all the regret of should of, would of, could of . Strength is too much my weakness. In the tv light I saw an angel with wings in spread and instead of grasping heaven I got up and grabbed a cigarette. Distance again. I was in one inch of paradise and paddled away in a boat of regret with the sea call of the right thing to do. How different things could have been. Good bye came with kisses to never again, and later on wings of plane, I stormed with quiet turbulence. I never spoke a word of this to another soul until that song played my emotions in replay. How I hate but must listen to the haunting song “Too Late” once again. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I have often said, I don't regret the things I did, as the mistakes helped me to grow along the way. It's the things I didn't do that cause me the most angst...you portrayed that emotion beautifully Helen. This was a lovely surprise---oh, and just one little quibble? psychiatrist...sigh. I should know.  |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
I couldn't agree more. That which we don't do usually causes more painful memories. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I just came across this quote and thought I would share: "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" -John Greenleaf Whittier, "Maud Muller" I am happy to read you in this forum, too, btw... |
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Thomas119gold Senior Member
since 2002-06-03
Posts 708Biloxi, MS (city by the sea) |
WOW speechless |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
thank you thank you to all i might write here again helen |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Helen, You excel at brevity in your poetry. And it is good poetry. But here you excel! Is there anyone who can't relate to this emotion? I don't remember giving permission to take my heart out and play. Excellent write.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
h WOW when you jump in you mean to get both feet wet, don't you? a delayed reaction to the hesitance of which you speak? how we remember the might-have-beens, and in detail. "too late" it's true, but enjoyed being on this trip with you. e |
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Neeraja Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812The Netherlands |
What a beautiful write!!! I enjoyed it a lot!!! Neeraja |
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Krishankins
since 2002-06-23
Posts 972Texas |
You should write more prose helen. You're really good at it!!! I enjoyed this one! Hey dog, did you see the size of that chicken!? |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
This was amazing but do you mean it.. because it is never really to late. Bernie [This message has been edited by bslicker (10-21-2002 08:45 AM).] |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Love the egg analogy, the soft woe of letting go. |
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