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Loss - 2 Points of view
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Loss - 2 Points of view |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware 
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These exist somewhere in that limbo between prose and poetry - I am assuming this is the best forum - If I'm overruled - I will happily see them shifted - What I attempted to do here was write a pair of vignettes to see how well I could write on "loss" from both the Male AND the female Point of view. Your views will be most appreciated. Loss (Male POV) He watched the monitors Saw the steady blips cross the screen The regular drip of the IV Heard the labored breathing Felt an anguish he'd never known Her eyes closed, her color pale The doctor said "Just a matter of time" He wanted a miracle that would not come He wavered between wishing it would be quick And hoping consciousness would return That she could feel his hand in hers Return the pressure Hear again his "I love you" He prayed, as he'd never prayed before: "God, you know what I want; You know I want her back But if you can't give me that Be merciful. Oh God - Please!" The monitor stopped The nurse rushed in "I'm sorry" He clung to the door jam Wondering what he'd tell the children ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Loss - Female POV She was watching the television When the doorbell rang She expected instead his key in the lock She looked through the window A policeman, his car parked in the drive "Oh God no!" she thought And her knees were weak "Mrs. Jones?" "Yes" "There's been a bad accident" "Is he hurt" she asked, hope against hope "May I come in?" The fear rose in her like bile in her throat Speechless, she opened the door wider And stepped back, holding the door for support. "I'm Sergeant O'Malley Highway Patrol I think we should sit down" She led him to a chair Her mouth refusing to work She wanted to sit Ask questions Could just stand there He sat, waited for her to sit Finally she sat -on the edge of the chair "As near as we can determine Your husband had a heart attack While driving on the interstate. He apparently tried to reach the shoulder But was rammed by a truck That couldn't avoid him The car was totaled But before he could be pried out He died from cardiac arrest" She heard the words "This can't be my husband" She thought: "He's been in perfect health He runs every morning Stays trim, eats right Doesn't smoke." She said: "Why do you think it was heart attack?" "Well ma'am I don't know But the EMT people are pretty smart And that's what they said" He continued to talk She partially heard Details... Her mind was that morning Waking early Making love Breakfast His close relationship with their daughter His unique smell What would she tell her How will she take it Is she old enough to tell Then she heard "Mrs. Jones Mrs. Jones Mrs. Jones! Is there someone I can call for you?" The bell rings again The door still open Mrs. Smith there "Hi Mary, come in" "Thank you Sargent I think I'll be alright." And she sits numbly on the edge of the chair Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes. ~ Chinese Proverb ~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Wilfred Yeats - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
These were perfect vignettes sir. Had me teary eyed from the beginning. Very clear writing too.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I find it distinctly interesting that the male POV was much shorter than the female POV...is it because a woman will talk of loss and the grief thereafter; and a man will mostly remain silent in his well of grief? But the pain remains the same, does it not? Mr. Yeats...thank you for this gift.... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Bill--Grief is such an individual thing...although the stages are human, I think, and not differentiated by gender. No one really knows how another or themselves will react to it, until it happens. This is an interesting and well done look at two points of view. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
2 very sad points of view. They were very well-written, however. You do a wonderful job of making us feel the sorrow. "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
We ALL feel this loss... RIP, my friend. Live on through your writing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
 Rest in peace, sweet precious poet |
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