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Critical Analysis #1
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the jump
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the jump |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
In the morning class they tell you All the different ways you can possibly die. And indeed it is surprising how many there are. You think it would be simple; Parachute doesn’t open, You hit the ground. Splat. You’ve already considered this. But they want you to know It’s much more complicated than that. You have a reserve chute, of course, But they want you to be aware That it may not open either. Or that your main chute could be twisted, Streaming like the stem of a giant exclamation point; The reserve chute, if deployed then, Might ensnare itself in the main, Warping all to a silken, futile question mark. They want you to know details: That you can be electrocuted landing in powerlines; You can drown landing in water; You can break your neck landing in trees; You can be run over landing on a highway; You can be gored landing in a bull pasture (Oh, you think it hasn’t happened?); There are countless ways you can die doing this. You still want to jump. You sign three different waivers, Including one printed entirely in red, All saying the same thing: Don’t come crying to us if you die, We told you so. (Or well-intentioned words to that effect.) And then, well, it’s time. You walk down the runway, Leaning under the weight of your pack, And climb aboard. This is it; one last look At the unforgiving, weed-dotted concrete runway, And you’re off. At 5,000 feet they open the cockpit door; You know not to look down But you can’t resist Such a beautiful, sickening sight; Standing at the edge, rocking on your heels, The noise, the noise, propeller roaring just ahead Wind screaming through your ears Beating, buffeting you Frigid sunny sky tugging and pulling Until you jump. You remember their last little instruction, To close your eyes and count five seconds Before checking the chute. There is no turning back, of course; This is merely to give you time -- While you plummet -- to think Of all the different ways you can possibly die. |
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| © Copyright 2000 jenni - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Jenni: You left out "Landing in an alligator infested swamp" (don't think this hasn't happened!). Once I started reading this I had difficulty stopping. Very well written. What is most surprising is, after all the "you could die this and this and this and this way" the person in the poem (you?) still went through with the jump. Did he/she (you?) lose your mind?  I liked this one, Jenni, and I am sure I am missing something in one of the layers to this so I'll sit back and watch what others have to say. Hasta luego. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
that's so cool that you jumped, and survived. I've been having all kinds of skydiving dreams lately, so i think i'm going to get myself up there and jump from a cloud. Loved the poem, it was a good read. I was thinking about weird ways that some people die, and you mentioned a couple, i.e. being gored by a bull, landing on a highway, and getting hit by a car...Crazy, it seems so ironic, doesn't it..performing such an insane act, only to get hit by a truck, or gored by a bull....its funny. Anyway, great writing. keep it up. quote: |
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merely_a_jester Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67Arkansas... that's all you get |
for some reason i smiled the whole time i read this one my favorite is the last of the last paragraph, the stark raving inevitability of it all i'm not much of a critiquer, but i do like freestyle, so that's just so much more enjoyment i got out of it thanks for little pleasures just another twice invisible boy To Be, contents his natural desire, He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire; Alexander Pope, "An Essay On Man" |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Whattdya MEAN merely-a-jest, "for some reason I smiled" ... "for some reason" he he the reason you smiled was that the whole poem was just uproariously funny from start to final splat. The only “layers” in this were the clouds, at least that’s all I could see amid the tears of laughter .. and fear. Meanwhile it just might have something to do with the paranoia of entering the unknown with all its fears .. maybe something like a major change of life direction or some such traumatic event. It was really great Jenni .. however I really do need to consider our ongoing friendship in the light of this poem if the speaker was indeed you, I’m not accustomed to associating with crazy ladies (said in my best posh British accent Jim).... Lol Take care with your jump Jenni, but there’s no problem they forgot to mention that the mortality rate is less than .000001% ...... ~smile~ Philip |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
jenni...this is excellent work...You pulled me through with this (on the edge of my seat the entire time) Your ending is spectacular! The realization of "what-if's" flying in seconds that seem like hours! So now I must ask you...having faced death and survived (was it a total rush?)! You have my vote as gutzy-gurrl of the year! DAMN! Kudos Poet! |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jenni: *waa haa haa haa -- maniacal laughter* i love it!! wonderful writing and incredible idea mixed with a heavy dose of irony... beautiful... i especially love the lines "(Or well-intentioned words to that effect.)" and the last few... very good job... sincerely, jerome the boy that wants more kool-aid A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jenni, You're one hell of a brave lady if you are the speaker! And you did a great job of telling the tale ... and how doing something so fantastic was spoiled by their mandatory lectures and forms. That's how I read it ... Nice work, Kristine |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
Captivating poem. It reminds me of a joke I heard. A sergeant told a soldier, when he was about to make his first jump, "Jump, count to ten. Pull the cord, and the shoot will open. If it fails to open, pull this second cord, and the backup shoot will open. And a truck will be waiting to take you back to the base." The soldier jumped, counted to ten. The shoot failed to open. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing. "Oh great!" he said, "and I suppose the truck won't be there either!" |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Which reminds ME of a joke ... : The Archbishop of Canterbury, a Boy Scout and Jim Bouder were flyin over to the States together from the UK on a special chartered flight just the three of them and the pilot. Halfway across the pond there was an enormous bang and one of the engines blew. "No sweat", said the pilot over the intercom, "I can fly on one" ...... Two minutes later though BANG, and the other engine went. "Oh bother !!" (censored for Brad!) said the pilot "We're goin down and there's only three chutes" .. "Well" he continued, "I must certainly have one of them as I'm a highly trained pilot" .. with that he grabbed a parachute and jumped to safety. Jim Bouder eyed the other two furtively! "Well now" he began, as the plane headed down, "you can't deny my supreme intelligence, far greater than either of yours" .. the Bishop shook his head sadly .. "I must have the next chute" said Jim, and so saying he strapped it on and jumped ........The Bishop looked the Scout squarely in the eye, "My son" he said, with a tear in his eye, "you are young and have your life ahead, I am old and have lived a happy and fulfilling life, please..... , you take the final parachute." The Scout smiled up happily at the old Bishop: "No problemo your Worship, Jim Bouder just picked up my backpack !!!!!!!" [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-29-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
FOUL! FOUL! Now I'm the brunt of jokes? FOUL! FOUL! Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Actually Jim ... That should have been FOWL FOWL ... check out my next post yes you heard right I AM about to post a real live poem ... well sorta poem anyway.. (you are the hero btw) heh heh P |
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