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Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2000-01-28 09:18 AM


Now, time for something entirely different. Although simple in form, the piece is really a little more complicated, at least I think it is.  


       Just Words

I write these words so you might see
What words as poems mean to me;
They do not tell what made me start
Nor come to love this rhyming art
But brought  distress to those I love -
Not that I wrote, but wrote what of -
And all my sorrow can't atone
And all I write … I read alone.

All I wrote was just emotions,
Rhyming words, with thoughts and reasons
Which were always clear for me,
And her I hoped as well, to see;
But lines, with rhymes and meter yet,
In truth will not a poem net;
A poem cannot be just words -
To have a soul it must be heard
Or read by her for whom it's writ
Or someone who may cherish it;
A poem which cannot be shared
Is barren, as the poet fared
Ill well to make its beauty known
To anyone … but him alone.




 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



© Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-01-28 09:55 AM


Pete,
This is wonderful, a perfectly lovely piece of work!  And though still a bit structured,
it is a very emotional piece of free verse that would have been difficult to write within the total stucture of a sonnet.  It is powerfully done in this manner.

Great work, Pete,
Kristine
P.S. It has been shared, is no longer barren ... now not "just words".


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-28-2000).]

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
2 posted 2000-01-28 10:14 AM


Beautiful rhyming four duplet couplets Pete (get your mind round that one JB ..heh heh).

I actually cherish couplets - so simple but, I think, so easy on the ear.  I've been trying to finish something similar for about 4 months!!

This poem is sad though and maybe reflects an experience many of us have of wanting to share what we do with a loved one and for one reason or another being unable to.  You are  right that words written and remaining unappreciated by any but the author (or maybe not even her/him) are so "barren".

Philip

haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
3 posted 2000-01-28 11:03 AM


Pete!

This is great...(thanks to Philip for pointing out the couplet theme) Grand Kudos for STYLE!-The read was flowing...and the subject!

The pain we receive when our thoughts go mis-read by those we love...So True! And I am glad to see you will continue to share your work (we would be at a sore-loss if you quit)

This is an EXCELLENT emotional play and powerful statement, dressed up in Grand-Old-Style!

I commend you Poet! Truly,
~haze


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
4 posted 2000-01-28 05:10 PM


Kris, Philip and Haze. Thank you for commenting. I'm pleased that you all seemed to like it. And WH, I'm flattered that you would compare it to free verse   which both you and Haze write so eloquently.

This one was never even thought of in terms of a sonnet though. I had just read something by one of my favorite writers (I'll leave this hint in hopes that someone will figure it out   ) and thought "Geez, what a fascinating statement; I'd like to write something just like it only different." So this was conceived around the form and a single word. I won't give any more clues, but think it's almost obvious. Hope someone comes up with the answer soon.

Thanks again.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

5 posted 2000-01-28 06:23 PM


Pete,
I am not formally educated in poetry ... I was educated in occupational therapy, specialized in psychosocial rehab, and took two English classes(required).  One of those happened to be creative writing, where we did write one poem (free verse).  I have written free verse since my early teens, and no matter what else you may call this, with the dashes and pauses, it rings of free verse.  I have never read a book on the technicalities of poetry, as I had always written free verse, or "stream of consciousness" verse.  Only here, am I learning different forms, and beginning to appreciate them.  All my reading of poetry never helped in that area.
This is the best way to learn.  Thanks.

Kristine


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-28-2000).]

merely_a_jester
Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67
Arkansas... that's all you get
6 posted 2000-01-28 10:27 PM


i have yet to build up any reputation here, but i hope you will not be offended when i say that i liked this one very much so

i have no really good credintials at all, especially when it comes to english and critiqueing poetry, but i know what i like

just another twice invisible boy

 To Be, contents his natural desire,
He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire;

Alexander Pope

roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
7 posted 2000-01-29 02:22 PM


pete-
this is so good.  examining the worth of a poem a little?  that's how i interpreted it at least.  i think the rhyming couplets are fine as long as they're not forced, which these don't seem to be.  glad to see you're away from sonnets for a while.  everybody is writing sonnets!!! jesus, what about those of us who are "meter-impaired"?     well, it is again another very beautiful piece.  keep it up.

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
8 posted 2000-01-31 09:51 AM


Hi again all.

Kris, my education was math and physics (probably explains my fascination with rhythm and structure) but, like you had to write one poem in freshman english. Then didn't write any more until recently. Been having lots of fun and learned a lot here at Passions.

Jester, I'm not sure many of us here have "credentials", I certainly don't. How could I ever be offended by your comment? Seriously, as long as you have something worthwhile to say, don't hesitate to comment on anyone's work here in the CA. Thanks for the complement.

Roxane, good to hear from you again. And thanks, glad you liked it. But what's wrong with sonnets?

Haze, I assume you refer to a couple of heated arguments we have had recently. But although I had minor comments on both, I certainly never intended to give the impression I was quitting over it. Geez, I'm having way too much fun to ever leave on my own.

Now one more clue. I'm surprised that no one has seen the connection to Poe in this one.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
9 posted 2000-01-31 11:26 AM


Pete:

I read this some time ago (back when Philip made his wise little remark about the four duplet couplets).  I've enjoyed your non-sonnet poems,lately, as much as I've enjoyed your sonnets in the past.

I suspected you were referring to a Poe connection but wasn't absolutely sure (silence, by the way, is the best way to avoid being wrong ... I hate being wrong   ).  The only line I thought was rough-edged was "A poem cannot be just words".  Perhaps, "A poem can never be mere words" would work in it's place.  The legalist in me wondered, for a second, whether you were using "just" as in "righteous" rather than "just" as in "mere".

I don't think this is free-verse as some suggest.  First, it is arranged in rhyming couplets and second, most of the poem is written with iambic rhythm.  Those two things counted singly would qualify this as verse (as opposed to free-verse).  

I enjoyed this.  Sorry it took so long for me to get here.

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
10 posted 2000-02-01 09:37 AM


Hi Jim,

Well, Philip has me stumped. I haven't been able to find out or figure out what "four duplet couplets" means, but I am sure you can.

Thanks for your suggestion on the one line. I will give it some thought. I can't use your idea as such since that would break the meter and if I change "just words" I would then have to look at the title again, etc, etc, etc. Man this stuff gets complicated. BTW, I assume you resolved your legalistic problem with "just."

As far as verse vs. free verse, you are of course correct but if the charming Warmhrt and Haze want to favorably compare my writing with the style at which they are immanently qualified, I will always welcome that as quite a compliment.

For the final clue, since it seems no one has the answer, I suggest you look up a wonderful little poem by Poe titled "Alone."

Thanks all for reading.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



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