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Critical Analysis #1
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For Travis
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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For Travis |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
My brother sits in the passenger seat Trying to be a man, Trying to cry silently. I'm abandoning him again, Or so it seems to him. Whether it's his bed time or not. I wish this life was geared toward Being able to spend more time With the ones we love. 'Cause that kid loves me, And I got no time for him... He sits with a silently stiff lip, Fresh tears streaming. At seven years old, I watch him get out the car Like an old man, Shoulders slumped decrepitly (Resignedly). He got the time I had to give! What more was there? I gave him every minute, And when there wasn't more to give, It wasn't enough. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Greg Butler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
ws, I think you've expressed your idea well here. I especially liked the old man image. Really a great read. Good job poet. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I really liked this. Particularly the last stanza And when there wasn't more to give It wasn't enough Great paradox, i love your writing its great. I'm glad you found this site |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
WS A very great deal of pathos here .... I can see how it would deeply affect a reader, well written and effective. At a personal level it made me a little sad because my brother and I wouldn't have been see dead in a car together ...lol ... how different are families! Philip |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
I too enjoyed your poem. It is sad! Chris Goodman |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
ws- this is really well-written. i always like how the poem isn't just focused on the driver, but more on how travis is trying to "be a man" about it. i could really feel the emotions in this poem. i couldn't think of a single way to improve it. |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Really like this, it is very well said. |
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