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Ode to the Modern Child
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ode to the Modern Child |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
He awakens much the same hour as one of a century ago But where the one would have shivered in the chilly dark This child languidly rolls out of his miniature Perfect Sleeper His whole socks find the plushy carpet and He scampers to the big screen television In sharp contrast to the bare feet on the dirt floor Hastily pulling on overalls to shield against the Scathing work awaiting him in a large field of cotton This child pushes a button and the black box comes to life Sounds blaring boring blasting into his eardrum Images flaring flooring flashing before his eyes He will stay curled on this fuzzy expanse late into the afternoon The child of old would be hoeing or picking Until the sun was high when he would stop and unwrap his Hankerchief of coarse brown bread and stale cheese Our modern child will dine on Kraft or Chef Boyardee With a Coca Cola or Dr. Pepper to drink Which he will most likely spill on the stain-resistant carpet After lunch the one will go back to the back-breaking Labor of the wind and the soil and the water and the seed And the other will return to his still-warm spot In front of the flickering blaring box, munching on candy Or cookies or crackers and blinking only once every 15 seconds or so The olden child did drag his weary body home at dusk Sit at a wooden table with his toes curling on the dirt floor Inhale his bowl of stew and slab of cornbread while staring At the glass of brownish water sitting in front of his plate. Our child will be dragged to the nice laquered table whining He will pick at his pot roast with steamed carrots and potatoes Swallowing only every three out of four bites and eating only Half the enormous piece of chocolate cream pie for dessert He will rush back to the flashing box where he will sit until dark When he will be dragged kicking and screaming to his soft warm bed The yester child will look sadly at his empty bowl and sigh Smile his thanks to his mother and hug her sweaty body Before going to his corn husk pallet which smells and has lice Shifting and scratching until exhaustion takes him And they both sleep, side by side, until the next day comes - An exact copy of the first. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wendy Flora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
wendy: your imagery is very vivid and your point is well made, though i'm not sure i agree with it completely... you do a good job of creating contrast, however... i think your best lines are the last two: very powerful... overall a good poem, i just wonder if the child of old was really so grateful and if the child of new is actually so ingrateful... perhaps so, but i find it hard to swallow (but then i am yet young)... keep up the good work  sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Great poem Wendy! I loved the inagery and feel... Keep it up!  Hawk |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i loved the idea of contrasting the modern child to a child of a century ago. the only thing that i think could make it better would be to introduce an emotional aspect into it. although you hinted at it by saying how the child has spent the whole day in front of the tv, you didn't quite clarify the fact that not until the end of the day does he even have real contact with his parents. the olden child however is thankful for his food, and speaks with "his mother". the fact that you used the definite name "mother", really draws yet another contrast between the two children. it's a safe bet that this child was raised by both of his parents and that they actually had "values". any child that has tv as a babysitter is seriously lacking in quality family time. that issue might be something you would want to address. awesome imagery. i could see the children waking up, eating, and their faces even. good poem. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
There's way too much going on in this poem--try cutting out some of the action (you have an overabundance of that) and slowing it down with some emotion. Maybe less of a quick hit style, more of a story-telling style. As it stands, you're just throwing stuff at the reader. It gets confusing after a while. Well, see ya 'round. Wordshaman |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I worked really hard on this one... which is a sure sign that it isn't a very good poem. I've discovered that most of my best ones come easily. (Does that just happen to me?...) Thank you for your honest opinions. -wen"Well she wants to live her life, then she thinks about her life... Pulls her hair back as she screams, I don't really want to live this life!" -Train "Meet Virginia" |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
wendy-- i have to agree with both jerome and wordshaman here. there are important and interesting differences between a 'typical' child's 'typical' day now and 100, 200, whenever years ago, but i think you both exaggerate that difference by painting two extremes (rather like the 'rufus and gallant' cartoons in this silly magazine in my dentist's office when i was growing up; does anyone else know what i'm talking about?), and lose that difference in the mass of detail ping-ponging past the reader. i think you have an excellent idea here (and that's the hardest part of writing if you ask me, lol), but i think you could present it more effectively if you concentrated on one or two aspects of your contrast, and fleshed them out with detailed, emotional stories. all that having been said, though, i really enjoyed this piece, it was very interesting and thought-provoking. thanks for a good read! jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-27-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed this one. I thought the imagery was very well done with the modern child but a little skimpy with the yesterchild -- perhaps shoot for a little more symmetry and maybe break it up into stanzas to show the contrast more effectively. Your style seems to reflect a certain 'children don't know how good they have it now' feeling (I read the last line as modifying both children). One suggestion would be to think about showing the satisfaction of the yesterchild combined with the dissatisfaction of the modern child or perhaps try to stress the monotony of both situations. One should probably not read this when they're hungry. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had cornbread? I want some cornbread!! Yeah, I know you wanted to show the sparseness of the meal but I can't help it, I like cornbread (combined with a good hearty stew -- geez, you've got me going now). We all miss what we can't have?Going to dinner, Brad |
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