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Chanoyu
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Chanoyu |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I sat in the summer afternoon heat; My ankles were numb from the weight Of my body; my kimono was damp With sweat as I waited and watched The pretty girl perform the ceremony With quiet, robotic grace in the artificial Twilight of a traditional tea house. Finally, through the pain and suffering I bowed to receive the Raku bowl Filled with bitter tea. The black hills And valleys of its design molded to my Hand -- warmth touched me. I looked into the bowl and saw The dark green background encompass Myriad bubbles -- I saw our star, A mediocre darkness in this immense Canvass of constellations, Andromeda, Orion (Who is he shooting at?), great Spiral intestellar strings and globular Galactic clusters. I looked behind the bowl and saw The distant quasars that can't Be seen -- with the naked eye. (A sweat tear closed mine.) I raised this universe to the sky And showed respect, turned the bowl twice, And like Shiva drank in my cosmos. --sorry guys, couldn't resist the Japanese theme going right now  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Hey Brad. I'm finding myself in the uncomfortable role of "trend-setter" right now. Go figure. First sonnets then Japanese themes. What's next? Perhaps a Korean theme. An ode to kimchi.  Sorry about encroaching on your turf, by the way, but Japanese history has been an active interest of mine for over fifteen years. Maybe we can share or take turns or something?Anyway, to your poem. You put me there with the person sitting on his heels. Been there, done that. It is the picture of Japanese ceremony and discipline and such a vivid picture it turned out to be. Not badly done, for a Gaijin. One question (okay, more than one): Isn't Shiva an Hindu god (one of the triumvirate) and Andromeda and Orion a Greek goddess and one of the legendary Greek heroes? Does Japanese Shintoism have Eastern equivalents? Surely there must be. What about constellation names? Are their traditional Japanese equivalents to the western constellations? I'm thinking there has to be. Or maybe you meant there to be a certain western, gaijin influence in this Japanese ceremony. Enlighten me, good professor. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Jim, Thanks for reading this. I guess people are a little Japanesed out at the moment. Yes, there are Japanese traditional equivalents to the constellations and,no, I don't know them off the top of my head but since I was writing for an English speaking audience, I thought I'd use the more familiar names. The Shiva thing is actually a reference to the exploding of the atomic bomb -- "I have become Shiva, the destroyer of worlds" by what's his name again (geez, I must be getting old). Anyway, you've been there so you know what I'm talking about here. I actually did this for a year, everyday -- I was on a fellowship in Kyoto. One of the things I learned there was an appreciation of ritual (Americans are generally anti-ritual). Through all the pain and frustration, it actually works sometimes and if you look, you really can see tiny galaxies (the black bubbles in a green background) in a bowl of tea. Many Indians I have talked to do see similarities between Hinduism and Shintoism (and also the Tokugawa class system/ Indian caste system). I don't know what would be gained, if anything, by actually researching those similarities but on a certain surface level, they are there. For reading the poem: Gokorosama de****a, Brad PS You are allowed to peruse my turf (besides, you're actually pretty good at it) PPS The wife of Grand Tea Master recently passed away. She was a very wonderful lady and I was going to dedicate this to her (Mrs. Sen) but changed my mind. I just can't write very good homages to anything. I like the mud and the sweat too much. |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Brad, Although I have never had the pleasure visiting Japan (forthcoming), I really enjoyed the scene you set for us here. I am intrigued by the "tiny galaxies" and I am wondering if you have any suggestions as to where I could read more about this...it seems Japanese culture may become a new hobby of mine thanks to you and Jim. Hawk |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
Well Brad, I did really enjoy this one, and I was there,I quite enjoyed this feeling, the imagery was very good,I especially enjoyed the "sweat tear" bit. Thank you for the nice read. You know, I can't just walk away from this, I am trying to because I can't put into words exactly what I mean, but there is something about the third verse that I don't like, it's the words, but I am not able at this time to explain, well, I just feel that different words would have perhaps impacted me more deeply, as did the rest of the poem, I'll think this through a little more and get back to you. I did really enjoy this. I think it may be the "globular Galactic clusters" -Jamaica |
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DesertJana Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 19USA |
Mysticsm alla'Brad. Strong Kudos sir!, very strong! "I raised this universe to the sky And showed respect, turned the bowl twice, And like Shiva drank in my cosmos." I Love It! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: I can't let this one slip into obscurity ... not yet, anyway. Your use of the Western equivalents, I can understand. I guess I'm a little odd in this respect but I like to have to look up obscure references in poetry and if you ever decide to "convert" this fully to Japanese references I would like to read it. I went to one of the sources in my library and did some reading up on Shiva and I now appreciate your poem's ending even more. Shiva the Devourer of Stars, third person in the Hindu triumvirate. Nice image there, Brad, especially as applied to the atomic bomb. I don't think you would benefit much by delving deeply into the similarlities between Hinduism and Shintoism. They are both polytheistic and both utilize statues or idols or whatever in the practice of their worship but doctrinally and substancially they are very different (at least as I understand them both ... I've never had more than a passing interest in either). I can't say I have experienced the seeing of stars in tea in my particular area of Japanese discipline (mine is limited to the martial sort, you understand). The only stars I HAVE seen have closely followed a roundhouse kick I FAILED to see. But the concentration and importance of relaxation are very much the same. My Grand-Teacher (Subumnim in Korean, I believe, but you would know) in Tae Kwon Do is Won Kook Lee, the founder of the Chung Do Kwan in South Korea's capital. He earned a high rank of blackbelt at Gichin Funikoshi's Shotokhan and incorporated the traditional Japanese forms (or katas) into his style of what would eventually be called Tae Kwon Do (originally TaeKyon). Relaxation and focus are essential elements in the development speed and power in technique. I often had to kneel (uncomfortably) for extended periods of time before being called on to spar or demonstrate power breaking techniques (try kicking through five 1x12's cut to 11"x12" with sleeping feet ... yowch). This is where I developed much my un-American appreciation for both tradition and discipline (I suppose it carried over into other areas of life ... poetry perhaps? ). May have even served to swell my ego. I wouldn't sell yourself short on the tribute thing. As with all writing, I think, the timing just has to be right. You just can't force something like that (see your "Rocketman" poem). Hawk: A good, easy AND interesting way to get started in Japanese studies for me was to read the "Musashi" series by Eiji Yoshikawa. The series consists of five novels set in the 1600's (I think) that follow the life of the famous Japanese Samurai, Miyamoto Musashi from his late adolescence to his landmark duel with a rival samurai. I think the novels are very good in introducing Japanese thought, custom and culture (and not merely as they relate to the samurai class). Brad can probably recommend better sources than that but I found those novels very helpful. Later. Jim |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
This is great. It reminds me of a Charles Bukowksi poem in which he talks about a coffee cup holding the secrets of the universe. Its so true, this is beautifully written. The only thing that didn't go for me, was in the second stanza where you end it with "warmth touched me", i don't know, if you get rid of that, and leave the rest of the stanza, it really speaks for itself. And me too, i've often wondered what is Orion shooting at? Great stuff. thanks |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Jim, Thanks...Although I have the internet at my fingertips...I am looking for something specific...an introduction if you will. I'll let you know how it goes... Hawk ps-If I am not mistaken, I believe Orion is hunting Scorpio...this is why the two constellations appear farthest from each other in the sky. |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Be Japanese any time. It has a flavour of Taoism too though. Very nicely done. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks to all who replied, The funniest thing about the censor machine around here. I wrote deshta (which should have an 'i' there) and it censored the word. I thought it was hilarious but I guess I was the only one. Patch, I worried about about that phrase as well. I was trying to show the difference between just plain old heat and a certain tactile sensation one can get from objects. Oh well, perhaps it's just too far gone and it's certainly not by usual style. LR Taoism? Were just gonna have to talk later on that one. Jim, So are you trying to tell me I should listen to my own advice? If you think about it, I agree with you but that doesn't mean I don't believe in hard work. There always seems to be a running tension around here (and most poetry places) between those who believe of poetry as a craft and those who believe it is a gift from some muse (No, I don't believe that in case you didn't know already). Nevertheless, even for those of us who work at this thing, there still has to be a moment of what someone called that primitive dopamine rush to the center of the brain. It still has to sound 'right' to you, you still have to get that moment when you want to giggle mischeiviously and rub your hands together and think "God, this is good" feeling. Anything less is just typing as people far smarter than I have said.jamaicamyname, Believe it or not, I've thought a lot about that stanza as well. Many people have said they like it the most but, I don't know. I was shooting for an ecstatic microcosm/macrocosm thing which can just as easily come off as trite. It's a tricky moment certainly. I often try to write with camera angles in mind and I see this as a moment where you literally see the cosmos in a bowl of tea -- kind of like a music video but as before with the 'warmth touched me' line you can go too far and lose everybody along the way. Hawk, There's plenty of stuff on the internet about Tea (and Tea groups scattered all over America -- if you're from there) and about a lot of different aspects of Japanese culture and Japanese poetry for that matter. I don't have any links right now but I'll look as soon as I get a chance. Urasenke is probably a good place to start if you're interested in Tea and as Jim pointed out, any of the martial arts can also get you started in that direction. Sometimes, you just have to dive in and look around. Brad |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Brad, The content of this poem is intriguing, well-written, and full of strong imagery. Very nice work, Brad. It makes me want to learn more about Japanese culture. Enjoyed the read, Kristine |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
brad-- i liked this one alot. i don't know anything about the traditional tea ceremony you describe, but you made it quite interesting. i don't think you should worry about your third stanza at all, it's perfect, not trite in the least. excellent job there. two comments, though? the phrase "i looked behind the bowl" bothered me, i thought it broke your mood a little. it's interesting you say you write with camera angles in mind, because i could see it so clearly, getting totally lost in the tea, deeper and deeper, further and further, and it was great up until that point, when suddenly the angle changed to show the drinker peering around behind the cup. i think maybe "i looked beyond the bowl" might have worked better, and led the reader into that transcendant quasar-seeing moment a little more smoothly (before being snapped back to earth with the sweat tear, very well done, that part, brad). you might want to think about describing the ceremony even more and what the pretty girl was doing with such quiet robotic grace, maybe showing us just how one can get to the point where one actually can see the cosmos in a bowl of tea, and how this ceremony differs from a cup of lipton's in my office. your piece might have even greater impact then. just a thought. but don't get me wrong, you did a great job here, brad; i loved the ending. thanks for a very interesting read! jenni |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Correct me if I'm wrong but looking "behind the bowl" has something to do with the meditative concentration that is part of the tea ceremony. I could be committing a secundum quid here but it seems to me that focusing behind (rather than beyond) an object is a distinctly Japanese concept. Am I right or am I wrong here? BTW, By my suggesting that the right timing to write on a subject was a substitute for hard work. You should know be better than that by now! Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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