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~Accolades Of Poets~(asking for advice)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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~Accolades Of Poets~(asking for advice) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
~Accolades Of Poets~ Words describe the emotions, inspiration grants them rhyme. Poets offer prose... shared wisdom of all time. Blessed with the gift of expression, changing emotions into lyric and verse. Searching deep inside their souls- hearing voices, those moments when angels converse. Like symphonies of heartstrings... turning words into the beauty of song. Like an artist painting images, their vision of life's reasons ... teach us to be strong. Their words touch and heal, allowing us to dream, we embrace and applaud them, grateful for their grace. We honor and award them for many years to come, Poets of words and wisdom-held classic-in their rightful place. Janet Marie 1/22/00 >>> **written with respect and gratitude to all the gifted artists who turn emotions and words into treasures of poetry, song, and books. To the poets, songwriters, musicians, authors, and anyone who shares their talents with us. The ones who we revere and cherish thru decades and to the new ones still to be discovered.** Hi...If anyone would care to offer their critique of this, I would love the suggestions... since its like a tribute piece... I'd like it to be more polished...I was wondering about the last 4 lines-- they didnt seem to flow like the rest of the poem. This is a different type of poem for me I usually write about more personal feelings or experiences. So feel free to offer me your words of wisdom...the main reason I came here was to learn to write and "become" a poet...as compared to what I do now...which is get the feelings down on paper...I know I have a lot to learn.  thanks Janet Marie |
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| © Copyright 2000 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Hi~ As to the last 4 lines... they would break nicely into 2 stanzas with a minimum of work and you could maintain your flow in that way. Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Janet, Do you really think poets need any more accolades? Do you have any idea how egotistical you already have to be to write poetry consistently (talk to Jim about ego) . I enjoyed the flow up to the last stanza (Kevin's advice may help there) but wonder if you might take a good day or so and read poetry (any amatuer poetry site and hell of a lot of professional ones will show you what I'm talking about). Keep a mental count of the use of the word 'soul', 'heart', 'angel', and my hated word of the week, 'dream'. If you do this and there's no reason that you should, I think you'll see why some of this poem lost a lot of 'punch' for me. I also think part of the problem is overgeneralization -- why not work on a poem that describes a single emotion evoked by a poem, a single moment where you saw the world differently, and try to describe that feeling though images and rhythm or free verse or whatever? I think it might get you away from some of those words mentioned above. When in doubt, be specific. Just some suggestions, Brad PS looking forward to reading more. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Nice that you should want to do something for the self-esteem-decrepit poets out there, but I have to agree with Brad on this one. We have HUGE egos. Or some of you guys do. So don't cry for us, Argentina. I have a contention to make: rhyme is not brought about by inspiration. Rhyme is thought about, at least on some level. I've had it happen by chance with my free verse writing, but I've been upset by it at times. I think rhyme ruins true inspiration a lot of the time. Give that one some thought. As for the poem itself, yes it needs to be less commonplace in terms of language. "Blessed" is cliched. Try capturing a poet right at the moment of slashing pen to paper. When a rabid thought is trying to wrench its way out his head. What madness he has to endure just to get to that point. Don't generalize what a poet does. We don't all give you symphonies and dancing clowns. Read Bukowski and search for a friendly smile. I did, however, really like the 'hearing voices--moments when the angels converse' line. Very nice. Sit back awhile and think about what else a poet can do. There's a lot more to the gamut than what you describe. See you around. Wordshaman |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
And what is wrong with feeding the poet's ego anyway? Movie stars get to pat each other on the back and they get shiny little trophies and a prime-time slot to boot. (Just in case you wanted to ask Jim about ego). Don't be fooled, though ... Brad is an authority on egotism himself.  I'm not an egotist, by the way, I'm just always right. My comments on this are pretty much in line with Brad's. You might want to substitute "Endowed" for "Blessed". Just a thought. As for the last four lines, you may want to zero in on something specific, then work on the sound and rhythm of the words you choose. You have a nice rhythm going in your preceding verses and, in comparison, the last stanza seems a little bumpy.< !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-25-2000).] |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
hi. i think this is a fairly good poem. the only line that didn't really fit in my opinion was "poets offer prose." hopefully, as poets, they write poetry. it's a discussion we often have here in CA: is it poetry or prose? otherwise, i think it's a nice tribute. you might think about the length of the lines. it's something i do quite a bit myself. i think i have a couple good lines, and by trying to expand on it, i get this poem with lines that gradually increase in length. as for poets having egos though, i don't know. maybe brad . just kidding though. welcome and i hope to see more of your work. |
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