»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
THE FACE (warning -- quite long)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
THE FACE (warning -- quite long) |
|
|
Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
This face was not the face that he had married. He stared across the room at it, and didn't flinch Although he wanted to. The woman kneeled Across from him, and pressed her forehead down On the tatami mat. "Forgive me, please, My most respected husband. This must hurt you." Must hurt you - and his mind at once flashed back To lying in the mud in steaming heat Surrounded by the dark and fear and stench Of fever jungle, and the constant shriek And crash of shells exploding, and the gasps Of dying comrades, biting on their arms So not with their last breath to give away Their company's position -- and the only dream That kept him living through that hell on earth Was one sweet image, the lovely smooth-skinned face Of Machiko, his wife. He saw it rise Upon his fearful sleep to calm his soul. He carried it when storming the perimeter Of Henderson, and her eyes saw him through When other thousands died. Of all the world held He loved her and the Emperor. He had come back To find what he had loved had turned to - this. "Sit up, wife," he said curtly. "I can't see you." Slowly she rose, and sank back on her heels. She raised her face to him - almost her hands rose also To cover it, but again sank to her sides. He looked at it, the face. The forehead crumpled and melted down the right side past her cheek. That ear was gone. That eye was good as gone. The surface of the face was corrugated, Like overlapping tile, or reptile scales, And burned an angry red. Only the left cheek Showed skin untouched and soft, and somehow that Was the most horrifying touch of all. It all had been like that once. His eyes fell Upon his teacup, and he hastily raised it to his lips. He could not look. "Husband most honorable," the face spoke. "I understand you cannot look at me. I know that I am not the girl you married Before the war in Nagasaki here. I humbly suggest that you should find Another wife, with whom you will find love, With whom you can have children. This one is damaged. My father has agreed that this is wise." It suddenly surged over him how in the war How many times he'd feared that he might fail To be killed neatly, that the gods might take His eyes or arms or manhood, and if so, And he returned a mere part of a man, Would Machiko then bear the sight of him, Or laugh, or turn away . . . He could not tell her this. "There will be no more talk of such a thing. You are my wife. I do not choose to lose you." And as she clasped his feet, and wept on them, He wished he could do that to hers, but then, Because she was a woman, he just couldn't. (I guess I'm posting this one for Jim Bouder.) [This message has been edited by Ted Reynolds (edited 03-19-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Ted Reynolds - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ted .... this was simply gripping. The story drove on beautifully if slightly predictably. I haven't read a poem in CA which has kept my attention as this did, the length was entirely irrelevant. And the most poignant line of all for me was undoubtedly the last - agonisingly true the world over ... Brilliant read . Philip |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Ted: I'm sorry it took me nearly an hour to get to this one since it was posted (I wish I would have checked in on Passions sooner, to Philip below). The length was of no consequence once I started reading this. You drew me right into this one. My feelings are in agreement with Philip's that the final line is one of the most poignant. "I do not choose to lose you." You've captured strength and vulnerability wonderfully with this line. Excellent job here, Ted. Thanks for the read.< !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-24-2000).] |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
AN HOUR !!!!! lol Good heavens man what do you do ... LIVE in Passion(s) ? ..  Oh and another thing .. please could someone tell me what's with the Japanese theme that's flying around ? .. even otters are Japanese ... lol [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-24-2000).] |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ted, Don't appologize for the length of this one. I, just like those before me, could not stop reading after I got into the second stanza. If you can read this story with completely dry eyes then you are a hard man indeed. Thanks much. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
ted-- the length is fine, but thanks for the warning. i liked it alot, except for the first line... and the last. i think maybe this just comes down to personal preference, and maybe there is some japanese thing i am not aware of, but the first line "This face was not the face that he had married" left me absolutely cold. perhaps you intended this; but i was prepared to read about a man who looked at his wife merely as an object. as i see it, though, the husband is not simply a man who would see his wife as a face that he had married. how do i know this? from your wonderful passage near the end ("it suddenly surged over him...", that whole wonderful stanza) and the fact that he doesn't leave. this is clearly a man who does not objectify his wife. the problem he is faced with is wrenching enough, carries enough with it, i don't think you need to paint the first line like you did. "this face was not the face of the woman he married" would have worked much better in my opinion (it still carries plenty of objectivity), and been more in keeping with the character you created here. i do not get the sense that he stays only out of some sense of duty. and the last line, well, i just thought it was clunky. i thought it would have been stronger to end with something on the order of "she clasped his feet, and wept on them. / He wished he could do that to hers." i think this would convey the same idea in a more interesting and dramatic way. i don't know, your last line just seemed a bit of a let down. like i said, it's probably only my personal preference. you're the poet here, lol, don't mean to tell you what to do. just thought you might like to know my reaction. overall, though, with those two exceptions, i thought it was a startling and provocative piece, excellently told. well done! thanks for a very interesting read. jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-24-2000).] |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ted, That was long? I couldn't agree more with Pete on this one. Honestly brought tears to my eyes. I've actually done some work in this area and find this a fine addition. For anyone interested, the generally accepted number one novel (an very emotionally powerful)is 'Black Rain' (don't confuse it with the stupid Michael Douglas flick). It's about the Hiroshima bombing and also deals with the difficulty of a Hiroshima woman (with no scars to speak of) in getting married (although my guess is Ted already knows about this one).  Brad PS Jenni, up for an objectification debate sometime? |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ted I don't often disagree with Jenni (lol) but i certainly do in relation to the final line. It IS "clunky" but that is the whole point .. it reflects and emphasises the horrible "clunkiness" of the way in which our stupid human hang ups and conventions can get in the way of REAL feelings ... ... that's what I think anyway .... Philip |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
