The Worst Poem Ever Written

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Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

0 posted 2000-01-20 05:46 PM

The Worst Poem Ever Written
By Kirk T Walker

Fragile Jenny’s heart
Lays traced out with care by pen.
She bravely signs her name to the top
And hands her feelings in.

But it’s returned, her poor heart,
Defaced in ink of red,
For so colored is the page
As if her heart had bled.

Alas, on sight of her butchered heart,
Jenny’s eye leaks out a tear.
She locks up tight what love was left
To be guarded by newfound fear.

For on the page in hue of heart
The one for which she’d been smitten
Had replied in plain remark,
This is the worst poem ever written.

Wordshaman
Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 110
Illinois, USA

1 posted 2000-01-20 05:54 PM

I can entirely relate. My teachers have not always gotten my style, and so this struck right home with me. Thank you for posting...I have nothing I would change for this, except that the rhyme comes across forced at times because of the word choice you've used. (Trading a decent syntax for a rhyme...) Overall, the piece has a great feel and great potential.

Wordshaman

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

2 posted 2000-01-20 08:50 PM

this jenni can relate too, lol.

your rhymes are fine as far as i can tell, it's the meter you need to pay attention to here. maybe you intended the meter to be off, echoing jenny's own poem? but i think for a piece like this to really work, it has to be technically flawless.

cool idea, though, thanks for sharing it with us.

jenni

Willem
Member

since 1999-11-18

Posts 139
Inverness, FL, USA

3 posted 2000-01-20 11:11 PM

Kirk: In my opinion you scored again with this one! It's beautiful in form as well as intent. I've seen this happen to other poor Jennies. Some moderators can learn a lot from the mild accusation in this poem.

Willem

Vincent Spaulding
Member

since 2000-01-16

Posts 59

4 posted 2000-01-21 08:01 AM

Fragile Jenny's heart
Lays traced out with care by pen.  (Leaving out the word "lays" would help the meter.)
She bravely signs her name to the top
And hands her feelings in.

But it's returned, her poor heart, (I'd leave out the word "her" and enclose "poor heart" in parenthesis.)
Defaced in ink of red,
For so colored is the page
As if her heart had bled. (Good image.)

Alas, on sight of her butchered heart,
Jenny's eye leaks out a tear. (rather, her eye)
She locks up tight what love was left
To be guarded by newfound fear.  (I'd leave out "to be" and end the previous line with a comma.)

For on the page in hue of heart (good alliteration)
The one for which she'd been smitten (rather, she's smitten)
Had replied in plain remark,
This is the worst poem ever written.

I'd change the last two lines to:

Replied, "This is"--in plain remark--
"The worst poem ever written."

I like your poem.  It has an Emily Dickinson feel to it.  But your title falsely got my hopes up.  I thought that perhaps I'd finally read a poem worse than my own Love Sonnet--which remains the unseated worst poem ever written.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

5 posted 2000-01-21 08:15 AM

Kirk:

I agree with Jenni's suggestion that some measure of technical flawlessness would compliment this to poem. Vincent has some good suggestions for you also. The rhyme does seem a little forced in places ("pen/in" are near rhymes and "ink of red" would sound much better as "red ink").

I like the idea and would like to see read it again if you decide to tweak it. Thanks for the read.

Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

6 posted 2000-01-21 09:56 AM

Kirk, I think almost anyone who has ever had to write something, poetry or otherwise, can easily relate to this. An excellent idea and great light read. I would agree with Jenni and Jim (I find that I usually do) that its impact would be better if you tweaked the meter a little to make it "technically correct." To me the rhyme is fine as is. It doesn't seem forced. Some of it is near-rhyme but that seems to add to the interest.

You have received some excellent suggestions so I won't try to add anything else. But I really enjoyed the concept and the poem.

Thanks.

Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

7 posted 2000-01-21 11:40 AM

Kirk,
Everything's been said already, so I will just reply with this: I loved the meaning of this, and the feeling behind the words.

warmhrt

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