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Critical Analysis #1
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More Than Friends?
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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More Than Friends? |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
We were such close friends, but why does it feel like more? It seems like our talks become longer, our hugs become tighter, and when we look at each other, we're looking into each other's hearts, hoping what we're seeing is true. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kristi Stanczak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Angel, Just read this after reading your reply to "Hey You". You do very well know how to put emotion into words. I have only one suggestion. Try to maybe use some descriptive, expressive words ... they don't have to be anything but simple, as long as they are not used over and over to convey the same idea. Sometimes this can take some real effort. I tend to write in extremely simple terms, then go back over it, and see what I can do to make it say exactly what I want it to say. You have a good, little piece here, expressing an often written of theme. Just see if you can do something to make it speak only of your voice. warmhrt |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Know what? I think you could make this work even better with a change in punctuation and tense without adding anything to speak of... like this... We were such close friends, (why does it feel like more?) It seems like our talks became longer (our hugs, tighter), and when we looked into each other's hearts we hoped our hopes come true. Forgive the fiddling I did here.. I just wanted to illustrate something... something with a poem I liked. Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I agree with Kevin partially. I think the second set of parenthesis are unnecessary (although they do make the structure seem more parallel). I agree that either making all verbs past tense or present tense would work well. Nice poem. |
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