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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Borderline |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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in the corner she sat, all alone, till I asked her why. I can't take it, she said, I wish I would die, and she cried. I reached out my hand, she looked up and sighed, but she tried. she saw I was there, looked into my eyes, and I cried. I gave her what I wrote, she showed interest, now it's her quest. paper flowed my way, so much she did write, of her plight. though she was borderline, she learned how to try not to die. warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-15-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
This is a strong, very touching piece. The last stanza is truly the clincher. wrmhart, i just don't have enough words for this...its truly a tribute to your care & concern for those in need. Peace to you & all you touch. Blessed be My Friend Blessed Be ~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear Haze, I'm so glad you felt this piece worthy. My two goals in life are intertwined ... to help others, and to become a good writer. I developed and wrote a protocol for a writing therapy program, which has so far been a tremendous success. The Emily Dickinson poem, which begins, "If I could stop one heart from breaking,..." is my favorite, as it speaks of both helping others, and, being poetry, of my love of writing. peace and blessings to you, also, my friend, warmhrt |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, here I am again. Your two posts from last night (this and "icy Words") are the only new poems I have read today and I think I'll stop for the day. This also paints a vivid mental (and emotional) picture. Just too good.  Thanks for writing. Pete |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, Now I really think you and Brad are up to something ... ye of structured poetry, and he. This couldn't be just coincidence. If your words are true, I'll write an acrostic Petrarchan sonnet .... and apologize. But, just how would we prove that? Just in case, thank you so very much for your too kind words. warmhrt |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Warmhrt, You have such a knack for caring... It seems your poetry is filled with thoughts of compassion and grace...I gather this is rather fitting after reading your post. Keep up the good work,both in your writing and your work. I think both will prove to be extremely rewarding. Hawk |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, I apologize, I do for imagining that you were in on any scheme with that guy Bradleeee. Being true to my word (most of the time), I'll write that sonnet to show you that I am sincere, even though just the thought of trying to write it disgusts me at the moment. Hawk, You sound like you must also be a very caring person, and I certainly appreciate all of your kind and generous comments. Thank you for your good wishes. If I can do it, I intend to make writing therapy part of every psychosocial rehabilitation program possible. I believe in it with all my heart. warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-16-2000).] |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
One little nit? Just one truly little nit. Try "she said" instead of "said she." The flow is ... to my tongue... smother, and although common, more elegant in its simplicity. Kevin |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I like this one very much, and by the way Emily Dickenson, is my favorite female poet of the past. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Kevin, Your "one little nit" is a very good little suggestion. Thanks, guy! Septsong, E.D. is a great immortal poet, isn't she? Who's your favorite contemporary one? Thanks, kiddo. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Interesting rhyme scheme and format you've used with this one. It has an air of simplicity, but yet gets a lot said with very few words. I myself liked what you imply with the last stanza. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thank you. I usually use fairly simple language. Though I'm an educated person, I speak in every-day, understandable language, especially in my work; I need to. So I figure that's the best way to write my poetry also |
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