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Poems in Yesterday's Flight (for Sweetpoison)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Poems in Yesterday's Flight (for Sweetpoison) |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ladies, Gentlemen, and others: Excuse me? Yes, I am tired. Thank you for your concern. [beginning of the presentation] The lake had frozen during the night But I was not prepared to see the flying And darting of such a huge collection Of treasures. Perhaps, I was overzealous But I walked to my rocket and strapped myself in. I launched and took steady aim for the harvest. I braced the hand accelerator and lowered The nets to capture these fine specimens. My first glide was a failure, lost control, Swung hard to the left, almost overturned. The second and third proved even more Disastrous for several had smashed against The hull and others had been caught in engine exhaust. On the forth, I was able to capture two. I stopped, leaped, and examined my new companions. But then I saw what I had done. The flock was there, beckoning but unreachable. The ice had been exposed to my engines too long. I would not capture more that morning And tomorrow, they would be gone. [end of presentation] Certainly, not original. I'm sure you all have had similar experiences. But I hope that you still find some minor amusement. Excuse me? The other poem? It died in transit. Thank you. --(Sweetpoison is the call name for a person on another board. A while back she remarked that one of my poems read like 'a rocket on ice'. I asked her if I could use that image in another poem and this is what happened.) Brad |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Brad, This was great...a very creative and original piece. Good flow and form...also the imagery and metaphor proved to be a very enjoyable read. Hawk |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
This is okay for what it is, but it really doesn't try to be much. I stand in awe of what it might become if it could be turned into a metaphor for something *else* in life. (Unless it already is, in which case I hang my head in shame for my obtuseness.) A changed word here, a phrase there, and you could be talking about life failures or love relationships or *something* else . . . and I think you should try to add that extra dimension. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Brad, respectably, I will no longer be a smarta**, and call you Bradley if you will reply to more of my work. This one felt at first read as if I was watching a video game of some sort. On second read, I got the feeling "the flock" was much more than targets to be taken down, or are they? Get some rest.... warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-09-2000).] |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Another fish story well told. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
ted, i think there IS an extra dimension here... i read it as a metaphor for writing, and the creative process. rocketman caught himself two poems, one presented here complete; the other, which ostensibly 'died in transit,' is presented here as the 'framing' piece. um, either that or it's about the illegal hunting of endangered waterfowl, lol.  excellent work, brad! i really enjoyed this one! jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-10-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: To get inside that mind of yours! With you I can't help but to expect that there is more to this poem than what I read on the surface. I think Jenni is on the right track with her understanding of this poem as a metaphor for writing poetry. The "flying" and "darting" treasures are, perhaps, ideas. Perhaps the "hand accelerator" is the writer's pen, but this seems a little too obvious. Metaphors are most fun when you have to work to figure them out. Brad, this was both imaginative and enjoyable to read. I got a good chuckle out of the ladies, gentleman and "others" part. Thanks for not leaving me out. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I just want to add my ideas about the writing metaphor discussing going here. I basically get the same picture that everyone else here has said, so I won't write that up again. This is the part I'm interested in. But then I saw what I had done. The flock was there, beckoning but unreachable. The ice had been exposed to my engines too long. I would not capture more that morning And tomorrow, they would be gone. [end of presentation] Certainly, not original I like what it says about poetry. To me, it's about forcing poems to paper. Writing things that aren't ready to be written. I've done that so many times, sat down to write and nothing comes naturally, so I try to make it come against its will. Invariably (oohh, big word, maybe you guys should read this post in a bad British intellectual accent *grins* no offense to anyone here that's British of course), the poem is always awful. As Brad says, the flock (the words, ideas, poems, etc.) are there, beckoning (why I write) but unreachable (so I'm gonna force a poem). I won't capture more (no more good ideas are gonna be captured onto paper) and tomorrow they'll be gone (my ideas never stay that long). And then, not original (it was forced, everyone should realize that) but we've all experienced that, so maybe because of that, we can understand and enjoy the poem. Once again, nothing to say on a technical matter. I think I'm just feeling philosophical and wordy tonight. Maybe I'll drop by the philosophy forum. Ryan I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks to all who replied. This is a poem that has a poem about writing poems. When I'm in my most poetic of moods, thoughts, ideas, images, moments, and anything else start streaming through my head that to choose one means I lose the others. The act of writing one down is a choice over one and not the other; everytime you gain something, you lose something and stuff like that. It's kind of funny because the original image for the title was to see poems as types of tachyons traveling back in time as we travel forward. If you don't catch them, you lose them but if you try too hard (what Ryan calls 'forcing') you lose them all or in this case only end up with one and a half. I just hope it didn't sound 'forced'. At times, a minor goal of mine is to create a poem that is the same as two mirrors facing each other, to creat that sort of infinity moment (without using that word of course ). There's a French phrase for it but I've forgotten it at the moment and don't feel like looking it up right now.Gotta make lunch for the wife now, Brad Brad |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
No matter how you explained it, I still read as a story of fishing. Or you hide your original intention too clueless-ly. enjoyed. |
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