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evening encounter
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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evening encounter |
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amandafoose Junior Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 11 |
Pungent fangs I dropped to my knees "Do not hurt me. Spare my life please." The vampires mouth came close to my way "Help!" I had screamed But no more could I say His mouth was intriguing His eyes a great blur Fantasies overtake you You wont know where you were I slowly surrendered And let him do as he bid His looks overtook me And I quickly lavished His breathing grew rapid As so did my heart His fangs met my mouth And we soon broke apart I lay there alone With sadness and strife That strange man had made me A vampires wife |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Hi, Amanda. Neatly expressed. Noticed one rhyme break, "bid" and "lavished". I was surprised at the sombre ending, "alone", "sadness", "strife". Up to that point, the mostly anapaest meter had tripped along with quite a jolly swing, and I'd been half-expecting a funny conclusion. Then again, it might be just my ear. Keep taking your iron tablets! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Okay, I'm not a big vampire poetry fan but what bothers me here is the lack of any dynamism and power structure. The vampire is never seen, never heard, never really given any personality. The switch from a person who is in utter fear of her life to a woman mesmerized by what? Being controlled? It doesn't seem like she has any agency at all here. How does she feel about being this guy's wife? Why did he choose her? Is she under a spell? What happens when she, if ever, gets out of the spell? Again, I admit that I'm not a big fan of this type of poetry although I can understand the allure of reverse power fantasies. I'm not sure my comments will be of much use to you but you never know. Please feel free to ignore it, Brad PS I'm a Buffy fan. |
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