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Of the Days Electric
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Of the Days Electric |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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coming up from sleep, I slowly arise from my bed, I can feel the light, before my eyelids peel apart, stretching the dreams from my limbs, shaking the night from my mind, I walk towards an entirely new day, full of all manner of possibilities, that are at times so electric, I am pulled into the flow. yet, other days are wide as a yawn, and on those days, mind and body rest, in preparation for the times I ride the highest voltage wires. warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-06-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
warmhrt, I love the contrast put forth in this poem. The imagery is beautiful, concise, and flowing; I loved it and related as well. Good work as usual. J.L.H.  < !signature-->We all go a little mad sometimes... --Alfred Hitchcock [This message has been edited by J.L. Humphres (edited 01-06-2000).] |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Excellent thought, well stated. I used to hear Marilyn Hickey on the radio, and she'd encourage people the repeat with her, "This is the best day of my life, because Jesus Christ lives big in me today!" I never thought that this kind of optimism was realistic. Every day cannot be your best day. We need our down times, as your poem so aptly points out. Even Jesus withdrew from the crowds from time to time. |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Warmheart, may I tell you what I would have done, were this child mine? I will, anyway. Line 5 I might have said "leaching", like that light is not just pulling my dreams around, it's taking them away. I'd slow Line 11 down a bit. A double anapaest ending sort of makes it trip along too fast for a good yawn - maybe simply drop the first "as"? And as for the last two lines, how about "in preparation for those times I ride high voltage wires." Forgive my impertinence. It's just because I care )It's never too late to have a happy childhood ... |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Warmhrt, I like the line "other days as wide as a yawn"...perfectly fits and describes the movement from intensity to rest. This is, I think, will be a testimonial to most peoples lives...You keep defining humanity so well...thanks a lot. Hawk |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
JLH, Kenneth, & Hawk, Thank you so much for your kind comments, and I'm so very glad you enjoyed. John, You have a knack for seeing the little things that can make a big difference in a poem. Thanks for reading and taking the time to give your advice. I may be a bit stubborn, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the help. Thanks again.....  |
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