Sonnett From the 16th Century Portuguese

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Sonnett From the 16th Century Portuguese

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

0 posted 2000-01-05 04:40 PM

Time and death just never stop for breath;
as we turn on luck, so luck turns against us.
We're always mutating into fresh fodder
to sustain the world's hunger for change.
What we last year couldn't dream of
now proliferates like you can't believe.
Nothing stays put but the memory of past sorrow
or worse, of past happiness, if you ever had any.

Now the time of infant grass is here again
where just nowthe yard was sheer ice,
but my song is withering into sadness.
And what gives me most despair is simply this:
that where we used to sip a little good from the mix,
now it's nothing but rotten clear through.

John Foulstone
Member

since 2000-01-01

Posts 100
Australia

1 posted 2000-01-05 09:14 PM

Ted,
While I'm finding it hard to dwell much on sad thoughts these days, you've some good lines here. As a whole, it works, despite my complete inability to discover the rhyme pattern. A blank verse sonnet? Some changes to stress patterns could help the flow here and there, but overall, it has a good feel.

Tim Gouldthorp
Member

since 2000-01-03

Posts 170

2 posted 2000-01-05 09:38 PM

I agree with what John said. Mabye alter the stresses in the last line of both stanzas' to make the poem flow better.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.