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Critical Analysis #1
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Cassie's Villanelle
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Cassie's Villanelle |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
There comes a time to choose to make a start, To take your chances, or lay down and die; But I'd not thought so soon to lose my heart. Nothing is ever certain. For my part, I'd rather bear the pain than never fly. There comes a time to choose to make a start. Twelve thousand miles across an empty chart Seemed far enough to keep me safe and dry, But I'd not thought so soon to lose my heart. Always a fool at love, and never smart Enough to find the trap in game or lie, There comes a time to choose to make a start. Whether by Fate, or through some magic art, I gleam within some Tucson woman's eye. But I'd not thought so soon to lose my heart. For ten long years avoiding Cupid's dart, I'm older, wiser. Though still scared to try, There comes a time to choose to make a start. But I'd not thought so soon to lose my heart. |
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| © Copyright 2000 John Foulstone - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
John, I loved this...there are so many different formats to poetry that I've never tried. I only wrote free verse, until I tried my hand at sonnets and a single Sestina. Your choice of words for this common theme, with a bit of a twist, was excellent. I could feel the "push - pull"....nice work! warmhrt |
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jaxjoy Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 112Texas |
I love it. I especially liked the line: "Enough to find the trap in game or lie," good work |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Thanx, Warmheart. First villanelle, first post. Was prompted to write it after recently getting reacquainted with Dylan Thomas's "Do not go gentle into that good night", one of my all time favourites. And OK, it was also an attempt to impress a new lady - some Tucson woman. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Can't fault it John, and welcome btw. Your not the only one to have been inspired by DT recently  .I cheated and tried to emulate "Do not go Gentle ... " in my villanelle "Temporal Illusion" posted back on 2nd December. Great minds .... Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-02-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
BTW...Welcome! Didn't notice it was your first post. Not very observant at times. warmhrt |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Welcome to the family. This format is especially hard to do..I've done a couple.. you did a great job here!  |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
hhow strange that you post a villanelle when the rest of the forum has just finished posting theirs. this is great though. welcome to passions, i look forward to your upcoming poems. |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
I recently wrote my first villanelle (prompted by the others here, who were writing them for Nan's poetry workshop). So I know how hard they are to write--especially if one's aim is to have a poem with a natural flow to it. Yours flows nicely. The refrains fit and don't sound the least bit forced. Congratulations. I'm sure you'll impress your lady friend. |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
John, This was a very well written poem....It seems I have long forgotten this style until now...I may give it a try myself. I think the Tucson gal should be very pleased.  |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
John, with so many poems to read, and so little time, I grabbed yours because I'd just admired a few of your critiques, and wondered if you created as well as you critique. You certainly do. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
John: So many new and talented faces in here! Excellent job on a difficult form and welcome to Passions. I'm afraid I have to echo the many of the above ... I am finding it difficult to find much fault with this one except, if you were striving for iambic meter throughout, it breaks down in lines 4, 10 and 13. You might also try to use fewer simple words such as "to" and "my" in your lines. They may serve to preserve your meter but I think they take up valuable space in a rigid format that could be better used to make your poem more memorable. Just my opinion, however. Again, welcome to passions and excellent job.< !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-03-2000).] |
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