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Critical Analysis #1

the pleasures all mine

jstevens
Junior Member

since 1999-12-29

Posts 11
austin,texas

0 posted 1999-12-29 07:25 PM

rain trapping energy
in the boredom clouds surrounding me.
can you see my new, twisted smile?
lift me up,
into the rain.
soak the gloom,
turn it happy.
I am different now.(should be anyway)
imagination fills me whole.
I live to grab jealous stares and
put them on me
enjoying sweet envy.
stealing their hearts and
breaking them like mine.
check my confidence on the richter scale,
I'll shake emotion till it pops your veins.
here it pound? it pounds for me.
giving my second chance...a third...
pull out the umbrella
try to hide
drops will seep through
melting belated heartbrakers
my pain is lived through you,
the pleasure is all mine.

[This message has been edited by jstevens (edited 12-29-1999).]

lily
Junior Member

since 1999-12-27

Posts 16
united states

1 posted 1999-12-30 02:08 AM

this is semi-disorganized, but there is a lot of poetry in it, like the i'll shake emotion till it pops your veins, good

compressed paper burns less easily

lily davison

Astraea
Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

2 posted 1999-12-30 02:14 AM

I like this one. It's devious and it has a point that's rather hard to convey and a very thing. Very lovely.

~Astraea

"Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

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