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Critical Analysis #1

Waiting......

Moon_stone
Junior Member

since 1999-11-25

Posts 11

0 posted 1999-12-28 07:50 AM

stars  shine and vanish,
moon smiles and ducks,
sun laughs, burns and sinks,
seasons pursue one after the other,
Yet there is no trace of you.

quick sand yaws hungrily.
white bones rattle beneath.
pebbles clean and naked, beckon,
"take me..take me.....".
There is no trace of you.

Fleet of ships on the high seas.
"pieces of eight !   pieces of eight ! "..screams .
"Over board! not me?.not me!", voices drowned by the waves.
Swords clash , splitting  throats.
No trace of you..

Rockets  pierce the blue sky,
Rivers ram  into the ocean,
Acid rains drilling holes, leaving yellow patches ,
A statue , hands full of seashells  rooted to the shore.
Yet there is no trace of you.

haze
Senior Member

since 1999-11-03

Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA

1 posted 1999-12-28 11:06 AM

excellent imagery...i love the refrain...the feeling of the searching, an endless plea...Nice Work Poet

dispatch debbie
Junior Member

since 1999-12-29

Posts 16
Michigan

2 posted 1999-12-29 01:05 PM

Moon_stone,

The personification of objects immediately drew the picture my expectations for the prose. Following the passing events of time with the sense of loss was well conveyed.

The stanza reference the ships & pirate-like action pulled me away from the flow of the rest of the poem.

I will look for your others, though. Nice job.

Debbie

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