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To Know God
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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To Know God |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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I counted shy steps to the rail in small white shoes, knelt on purple plush and spoke only whispers in reply. Later, I laid naked lips to cold tin, licking wine spilled on an unpowdered chin. Much later, I held my breath under bloodied fists, cried until blushed cheeks dried under rush of foul battering incanted in the name of God. ~haze 11/29/99 |
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| © Copyright 1999 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i am intrigued. i'd like to hear more about this one before i offer an opinion. the images here are so clear and well described. good job. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Thanks Roxanne...This poem is about (specifically) my ex-altar boy, ex-husband who used his fists and bloody dilirium tremens (visions of God) to pound his heathen wife into submission...its about walking innocently into situations and waking on the other side of someone else's nightmare...Til Again...~haze |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Good images. But I didn't understand it until I read your interpretation. All I could gather from the poem is that you suffered at the hands of a fanatic. Perhaps that is enough. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Haze It's a shame I didn't get to this before you explained it because this was one I could have definitely related to. Not the beating I hasten to add, but the excellent atmospheric opening of Communion took me shivering back to a dark cold church in Lancashire 30 years ago complete with its puritan ethic. You have captured the pointless ritualism and hypocrisy which can exist in mainstream religion beautifully. I particularly like the contrast between "purple plush" and "unpowered chin" suggesting the opulence and extravagance of the edifice contrasted with the chastity and restraint that is expected of the communicants. In this respect I wondered whether "cold silver" might not be better than "cold tin". (Our communion cup was solid silver I believe .. lol). The later beating is a biting and terrible finale and the word "incanted" an excellent choice, suggestive as it is of a repetition without thought or feeling. The very last line seemed maybe just a little obvious, but I can't see any immediate way of dealing with that, and it is only a small point anyway. I have been reading some John Betjeman lately and he has a really wonderful turn of satire where the Church is concerned (more lightheartedly than your poem tho !). Have you read Lenten Thoughts of a High Anglican or Diary of a Church Mouse .. the latter is particularly funny. Overall I really enjoyed this poem even though it was obviously a very bad time of your life. Thank you . Philip |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I read and got a rush up my spine... chills that said, "oh ****!" when I realized it was your marriage and that he was beating you.... As usual, great work, haze. I especially liked the beginning and the end... the imagery of "in small white shoes,/ knelt on purple plush"... very clear.. wonderful! And the end, "I held my breath/ under bloodied fists"... that's the line that got me. The only line I would change, I think, would be to eliminate the line, "Much later". I think it's superfluous. Sort of stopped me and took away from the flow. I don't even think the first "Later" is really necessary.... but perhaps it is... i'd have to read it with and then without it. keep 'em coming! -doreen |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Have to echo that I didn't get the full picture without your explination... when I read it I saw your father's fists... or were they in there too? |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
this is incredible, reading it gave me chills....such powerful poetry....it is amazing how poetry can bring out each ones own memories...amd sorry for yours...sigh, I didn't need to know the "who" to understand how you felt..... |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
haze: This is both excellent and unfortunate. What a horrifying experience you describe. One question: What is the significance of the unpowdered chin? Does it have something to do with the "Puritan ethic" Philip mentioned ... some legalism regarding make-up? Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Haze, I have to admit I'm a little bit upset with you. Personally, I think you are one of the best poets here. You know what you're doing and yet you don't or at least are not willing to share your insight. Haze, this forum is about all of us sharing ideas, images, moments, dreams, and (yes) techniques. Teach us!!!! I admit I knew what was going on by the second line of this poem. Haze, please continue writing. Brad |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Brad...You are upset with me..? I am not trying to be selfish...I thought I was sharing...I am sorry.... I am honored (and flattered) that you consider me among your best... What can I say to someone except the same old-same old rhetoric... I would be more than happy to share my technique for writing and from whence comest my fickle muse...Know that I move between form and structure, that I study the rules and formal forms and break them all i take them apart and use them... So please don't think I am selfish...I would be a lousy teacher...I am a poor typist... To Jim.. The "unpowdered chin" is a movement from innocense (white shoes and bare lips) to say knowing and then to "blush" implying a full face make up as being experienced 9in love or life...take your pick. Although this is about my ex-husband there are layers and layers amongst if you read from a diffferent view...like thru tissue paper... thank you all for your kind comments... TA...haze |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: I apologize ahead of time for my directness. I personally don't buy the "I would be a lousy teacher" bit. You just wrote: "Know that I move between form and structure, that I study the rules and formal forms and break them all i take them apart and use them..." That is most certainly not a statement characteristic of a lousy teacher. You basicly (1) study the rules and formal forms (probably rhyme, meter, and verse structure), (2) learn the effects of the same on mood and tone, (3) break them down into concepts that you can use and apply them to your own style, when and where approprate, while discarding those concepts you believe to be antiquated or cumbersome. You said THIS in one sentence. I am currently reading a lecture by Poe on versification and I believe he said much the same thing! I am new to poetry but certainly not to writing and other arts. I think you know you have plenty to contribute. Whether you believe you can, I cannot say. But THAT one sentence made some connections for me similar to connection experiences I have had in studying other arts. If you really don't believe you can be a good teacher, I encourage you to try to stop thinking that way. Again, I apologize for my directness. You can chalk it up to my South-Central PA, city-boy upbringing, if you like. There were no intentions to offend here.< !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 12-28-1999).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Jim no apologies are ever necessary... thank you for your eye opening remarks...C&C etiquette is thus... You say what you feel...I take it or leave it as I see fit...Always with respect...no harm no bother...direct is good TA my friend...thank you Ps...you must truly agree I am a lousy typist and (in case you didn't notice) I don't know how to spell either |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: I am willing to make the concession that you are a lousy typist and perhaps even a lousy speller. But I will not concede that you are a lousy teacher ... and I warn you, I am (almost) never wrong.  Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Thanks to someone for bringing this to the top again. I thought it was good nearly a month ago and now i think its better .. if that makes sense. Brad I think you are being very unfair, if you check out Haze's contributions over the last couple of weeks or so you will see that they grow in quantum and, in my opinion, quality all the time. In fact you might like to know that Jenni recently contacted me to say that although she is busy at the moment she still looks in on the forum regularly and she noticed that Haze was quite a force .. so a retraction is in order .. or is this all in aid of your "be nastier campaign"? .Haze .. don't take any notice of Jim .. he told me I was "prissy" then retracted .. just how wrong can you get ...? Philip |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is just part of my 'be nastier campaign'. I couldn't really complain about her poetry so I figured I'd pick on her comments -- and even with that I was scraping the barrel for something critical to say. What I thought was interesting was that you mentioned Jenni -- I was just going to e-mail her and try to get her back into the fold. However, it is the holiday season and I know we're all busy. Speaking of 'busy' I'm going to my wife's island for a few days starting tomorrow and won't be able to access a computer. All you guys can take care of yourselves,can't you? Like I do anything anyway.  Brad |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Philip...Thank you for your wonderful praise and comments... I told Jim I am a lousy typist and speller so its just his acquiessence to the obvious...*S* Brad and I have ironed out the ailment, but it is so nice to see him publicly denounce the trouncing. All of you are true treasures, gifted poets and wonderful friends...I look forward to meeting Jenni and reading her work very much...please pass this along... Thank you all my friends...I am opening a solo-exhibition of my digital and traditional media At the Impecunious Gallery in Kent Ohio and will be off shortly. My hopes for a safe and wonderful New Millennium for all...XO's my dear friends... stay safe & sane |
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