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the street preacher
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the street preacher |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
this one is dedicated to my ex-room mate...Bless his crazy soul “Sine cosine and tangent They make they world go round!” There he was yelling in my ear The street preacher The soul reacher --well he’d reach the soul of all the crazies more babbling babbling his words brooking down the sidewalk and into the gutter bottom of trees that grow out of your nuts and LSD charged psycho powered epic tales of apocalypse and mayhem and how we all represented a part of the ultimate fight for humanity against the technoevilicity a revelation to make John jealous then he’d take a break and break out the cute little bong from Guatemala which he named Mr. Anti-Grav short for Mr. Anti-Gravity in a tribute of incense to the gods of madness then he’d continue his prophecies his acid-lased gospels of the time he went to Houston and gold prices in the Andies and how the time he died shrouded amidst white sheets and lights and sirens and rose again with the ultimate knowledge of how to make acid a secret art that he must never use for fear of his power and then I’d quit listening because the conversation dissolved into a string of shooby doop doops and theories on the existence of an evil man on a mission to destroy him and all of that was too much for me so I’d call up my boys go get drunk and cry that the world was going to end I knew it would The street preacher told me so "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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| © Copyright 2001 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
For the most part I like this... I would find another word to use instead of repeating acid, it doesn't sound right in this poem, and also, this line about John being jealous was confusing. Who's John? You are more than the sum of what you consume |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
hye hush, the John reference was a biblical allusion, John was who wrote and was revealed to the book of Revelation in the bible...yeah i figured acid was used to much but i didn't know how to rectify it considering it was all things i had heard from my room mate...true stories are the best "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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7 Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113Amherst, MA, USA |
Ok, sorry this isn't that critical but I absolutely have to meet this ex-roomate of yours! Wow... Is he cute? Just kidding! Good work though, very well put together. I like your last couple lines about the world going to end because he said so. Um, criticism... I liked the repeating of the word acid, since that's what it's about and there aren't really that many other words so it would seem kind of forced to invent one or something. Hallucinogens perhaps? Maybe it would fit somewhere. I don't know about John though, perhaps people who have studied the Bible more would get it but I kept thinking of John Lennon. Well, I'm having a hard time finding criticisms, so you're all set  no i will NOT wait three seconds! |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
I really enjoyed this... moves quick, moves well... sorry but no "Critical Analysis" from me either!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com [This message has been edited by ladysixstring (edited 08-06-2001).] |
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citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
"his words brooking down the sidewalk and into the gutter bottom of trees that grow out of your nuts and LSD charged psycho powered" I really like these lines, over all I enjoyed the poem but I think it could be tightened up a bit more. I can't offer any suggestions only that I think that you should check out the Beat writers, Allen Geinsberg, William Burroughs and Jack Kerouac. I think that you will enjoy their stories and poetry and that it will help your writing. |
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