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rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana

0 posted 2001-08-02 10:05 PM



this one is dedicated to my ex-room mate...Bless his crazy soul

“Sine cosine and tangent
They make they world go round!”
There he was yelling in my ear
The street preacher
The soul reacher
--well he’d reach the soul of all the crazies
more babbling babbling
his words brooking down the sidewalk
and into the gutter bottom
of trees that grow out of your nuts
and LSD charged
psycho powered
epic tales
of apocalypse and mayhem
and how we all represented
a part of the ultimate fight for humanity
against the technoevilicity
a revelation to make John jealous
then he’d take a break
and break out the cute little bong from Guatemala
which he named Mr. Anti-Grav
short for Mr. Anti-Gravity
in a tribute of incense to the gods of madness
then he’d continue his prophecies
his acid-lased gospels
of the time he went to Houston
and gold prices in the Andies
and how the time he died
shrouded amidst white sheets and lights and sirens
and rose again with the ultimate knowledge
of how to make acid
a secret art that he must never use
for fear of his power
and then I’d quit listening
because the conversation dissolved
into a string of shooby doop doops
and theories on the existence of
an evil man on a mission to destroy him
and all of that was too much for me
so I’d call up my boys
go get drunk
and cry that the world was going to end
I knew it would
The street preacher told me so

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin

© Copyright 2001 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2001-08-04 12:21 PM


For the most part I like this... I would find another word to use instead of repeating acid, it doesn't sound right in this poem, and also, this line about John being jealous was confusing. Who's John?

You are more than the sum of what you consume
Desire is not an occupation
-Nicole Blackman/KMFDM

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
2 posted 2001-08-04 09:49 PM


hye hush, the John reference was a biblical allusion, John was who wrote and was revealed to the book of Revelation in the bible...yeah i figured acid was used to much but i didn't know how to rectify it considering it was all things i had heard from my room mate...true stories are the best

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin

7
Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA
3 posted 2001-08-05 01:34 AM


Ok, sorry this isn't that critical but I absolutely have to meet this ex-roomate of yours!

Wow...

Is he cute?

Just kidding! Good work though, very well put together. I like your last couple lines about the world going to end because he said so. Um, criticism... I liked the repeating of the word acid, since that's what it's about and there aren't really that many other words so it would seem kind of forced to invent one or something. Hallucinogens perhaps? Maybe it would fit somewhere. I don't know about John though, perhaps people who have studied the Bible more would get it but I kept thinking of John Lennon.

Well, I'm having a hard time finding criticisms, so you're all set  

no i will NOT wait three seconds!

ladysixstring
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374

4 posted 2001-08-06 06:01 PM


I really enjoyed this... moves quick, moves well... sorry but no "Critical Analysis" from me either!!

-jaimie

Website: www.ladysixstring.com

[This message has been edited by ladysixstring (edited 08-06-2001).]

citizenx
Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189
motorcade
5 posted 2001-08-07 04:14 PM


"his words brooking down the sidewalk
and into the gutter bottom
of trees that grow out of your nuts
and LSD charged
psycho powered"

I really like these lines, over all I enjoyed the poem but I think it could be tightened up a bit more. I can't offer any suggestions only that I think that you should check out the Beat writers, Allen Geinsberg, William Burroughs and Jack Kerouac. I think that you will enjoy their stories and poetry and that it will help your writing.



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