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String Vibration
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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String Vibration |
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manalive325 Junior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 21 |
String Vibration She paused at the old piano, Tuning each string in place. Light Streaming from the open window, Drawing shadows on her face. Her eyes held me for a moment, Smile quivering on parted lips. She held the Viola in her hands, A trusted friend who held deep secrets. She pulled the vibration from the strings, Bow powerful, and gentle. She filled me with her soulful tune, So warm, so clear, so subtle. Her body vibrated with the string, Sensuous and strong. Breast quivering with each stroke, Pressing the point in mellow song. She rode the strings with dept agility, Solo strong and lonely. The vibrations stole into my soul, And shared their wordless mystery My skin tingled on hearing the song, Her bow pulled upon my members. I was transformed for a moment into her being, She held me hot like an ember. Her eyes caught mine as she released the spell, Mind knowing mind sensation. She had known me, she had moved me, she had loved me. Heart strings vibration. By Walter J. Sackett, 12/99 |
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| © Copyright 1999 Walter J. Sackett - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Your poem is quite expressive. I once was deeply infactuated with a viola player, so I could easily visualize the scene. But I also had the sense that the viola playing was a euphemism for love-making--even if only the eye-contact kind. One thing I found distracting in the poem was the fact that some stanzas rhymed and others didn't. Both kinds of poetry are certainly acceptable. But such mixing of rhyming with non-rhyming tends to give the reader the feel that the poem is not finished. Like it's still in a rough draft stage. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
I wrote my first sonnet using quitar strings as the vehicle, but was told it sounded too much like "Killing Me Softly" meets "Superstar"(see "Nimble Fingers"). This was much more subtle, employed more imagery, and had a very sensuous tone. I do agree about the rhyming, but all-in-all, good work! warmhrt |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
This is really beautiful. I didn't agree with the comment made about warmhrt's poem. I read it and thought it was quite nice. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Very powerful imagery, apt use of metaphor. R&R (rhyme & rhythm) a little uneven in some places. Several typos, like capitalization where it doesn't belong, and one misspelled word in Stanza 5 ('dept' should be 'deft'). Other than that, this poem has many elements of great poetry, but needs some TLC.  Willem |
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