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Nimble Fingers (maybe a sonnet)
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Nimble Fingers (maybe a sonnet) |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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This is my first ever attempt at writing a sonnet of any form...I'm not even sure if it's correct, but, here goes: He picked and strummed his way into my heart, He pulled on the strings, and fingered the chords, With such expertise that it did impart, A sweet love and yearning unknown before, And there arose from within me a soulful song, That from my lips in true dulcet tones soared, This love was true, and lasted summerlong, When the songbook closed, he said I was adored, But he and his guitar just had to roam, The song was done, no more could he afford, The last I heard, he was playing Stockholm, The crowd had loved him, they stood up and roared, I yet long for his gentle strumming way, His nimble fingers, o, how they could play. warmhrt |
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| © Copyright 1999 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Your poem is well written. But it seemed to me to be "Killing Me Softly" (Roberta Flack) meets "Superstar" (Karen Carpenter). People are always telling me that I use too much cliche in my poems, and I guess I do. It's hard to come up with fresh ideas, so I seldom do. So then I go off into the other extreme with things that are designedly weird--and that doesn't work either. It's difficult. But since you have an obvious talent for the mechanics of poetry, all you need is an idea--something so personal that only you could write it. Again, your poem is well crafted. |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
P.S. Writing Sonnets is very difficult. My first one was so bad that NO EYES will ever be blighted by the sight of it. My second one (26 years later) was a lot better, but still only so-so. Yours is better than both of mine. |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
First off, Congrats for the bravery to even attempt a sonnet. To me, sonnets are the hardest things to write. I think yours is a beautiful one. --A Little Fairy-- |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Nice work. There are a couple of places that a slightly more modern approach to sonnets would improve the read. for example your line... "With such expertise that it did impart," could be written in a modern sonnet as.. "With such expertise that it imparted," The rhythm is smoother with the inversion. The rhyme you used is not exact anyway so the change would not stick out. It's just little things like that.. because a poem is meant to be read aloud... especially a sonnet!.. that take a poem and make it memorable. Most folks won't even attempt a sonnet... it takes a brave sort to do so... Hats off! Kevin |
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