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Music Box (Please Reply)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Music Box (Please Reply) |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
~Music Box~ < !signature-->Unknown to all There is a place That sings a song Only for you Hidden away In my music box Are memories Of our love so true Written with a pen And sealed with a kiss Scented with perfume Are letters from the heart Signed with love Received with a smile Promises that We'll never part Dreams of always Being together Dreams of always Being everlasting While each night I hold you close Never noticing As time is passing There is this place I've locked away To keep For us alone My music box A melodic sign A love song From long ago This is the one love poem that I've written and liked, but I'm still not sure how certain lines tie in. Tell me if you notice it too so I can see exactly what to fix. As y'all know... I'm quite slow  --A Little Fairy-- [This message has been edited by Fairy Colours (edited 12-22-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ana - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mya15 Junior Member
since 1999-07-19
Posts 16Sunrise,Fl,33351 |
I had to steal the computer from my sister to comment on this one. Great job sis. I knew you'd learn to like love one day |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Little Fairy, I very much liked the metaphor with the music box....try adding a bit more of that flavor to your poetry. It's lovely...just needs a little more depth. Sincerely, warmhrt |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Thank you WH. I've actually gotten much better at writing in the past few days. Much of my inspiration came from Passions --A Little Fairy-- |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
it is lovely and i see your growth...i agree with wrmhrt...it needs more depth... I will look for more of your work and watch you bloom...KUDOS POET! |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Depth...Depth... Not too good with depth. --A Little Fairy-- |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You know, I'm not that good with 'depth' as well and I don't think I'll ever understand what people mean when they mean 'deep'. You know, when I was younger I wrote a very bad song call 'Too Deep for You' basically because I was just shocked that someone would say that's 'too deep for me' -- anyway, I just say "I don't understand" and leave it at that. Perhaps what they're arguing is more along the lines of taking the metaphor and imagery a step futher. Work with it. Today, for all intents and purposes, it is impossible to write an original poem with just one idea, one basic insight flash, so you've got to go further. Give us the details of the music box, what does it look like, what is the song, is it old or new (or rather since you've already implied it's a little old, does it look old or new)? Somewhere in the middle of the poem, I might actually give the love letters your talking about (or at least one) -- show us what you're talking about. Anyway, that's what I would do. Keep on writing, Brad |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Those are some pretty good ideas. I think I'll try it and repost. --A Little Fairy-- |
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