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Critical Analysis #1
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To Divine Truth Of Lovers Lies
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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To Divine Truth Of Lovers Lies |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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Take my words as pearls lavished on your lips. Taste the cream of salt and sea. Rub my words against your teeth. If they feel rough they are real. [This message has been edited by haze (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
With/With Out The Punctuation ? Looms... To Divine Truth Of Lovers Lies Take my words as Pearls lavished on your lips Taste the cream of salt and sea Rub my words against your teeth If they feel rough they are real [This message has been edited by haze (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Again I must say that punctuation does not seem necessary here. The capitalization (capitalisation to Philip btw) and line breaks, in my opinion, seem to serve the same purpose. You have to stop making this look so easy though, Haze. You're making the rest of us look bad.  Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, Really liked "Taste the cream of salt and sea". After reading this a few times I really began to like the last stanza. Has more meaning than I first interpreted it as and left me with a question....were you saying that if you're words are harsh then they are "real" or if your words are awkward and hard to speak then they are "real" or neither? I found that "lavished on your lips" came off as a little weak in comparison to the rest of this poem...it was the word "lavished" that I thought clipped this line. Anyways thanks for the read, take care, Trevor |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Jim...You flatter me so...Thank you *blush* Trevor...truth is i stumbled over lavished a few times myself...edited this little soiree about 10 times...so it stayed...What I am saying is...the test if pearls are real or cultured is to rub them on your teeth...if they feel ruff...they are natural, not cultured...I thank you much for the read and your critique... Both of you...TA...~haze |
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manalive325 Junior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 21 |
this is good Haze....I love the imagery and could actually feel the roughness on my teeth as I read.. I was stuggling to catch the connection to the title but finally understood. I guess I'm left wanting a little more substance to the message because it is a universal quest....to devine truth of lovers lies. There is a spiritual "knowing" that I think is implied in your imagery. I'm not sure if that is in your mind or not. If so...is there a way to strengthen that thought? |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
manalive325 Thank you...see that is the point...it is as vague as a feeling of pearls on one's teeth...no other connection...just a feeling...THANK YOU FOR READING ME....~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Haze, This little piece was a real gem (pardon the pun). It truly was...the imagery, just the right words, and the feeling it imparts. I loved it! warmhrt |
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leon Junior Member
since 1999-12-13
Posts 23 |
Good work! Sincerely Leon |
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jaxjoy Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 112Texas |
I love it. Short but striking. Excellent!  |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
A few words that say alot. I enjoy your talent. |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I'd go with the punctuated version. It seems to flow better. When I read the other one, I seemed to make everything run together which took away from it for me. Also, the last two lines seem a little blunt to me. They don't feel like they fit into the rhythm I read it in. Maybe that's just me, but I thought I'd point it out anyway. By the way, did you ever post at the Artistic Expressions forum? Your name seems familiar. Ryan< !signature--> I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac [This message has been edited by Ryan (edited 12-22-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed this poem quite a bit but would definitely go for the punctuated version. I've been listening to some of poets read their stuff on Real Audio and such and they all seem to use the punctuation as signs for how it should be read rather than the line break itself. My own thinking is that the line break is only a very short pause and at times needs to be accentuated to strengthen the poem as whole. I love the last stanza. It made me grit my teeth. Brad |
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