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The Searching of the Stone
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Searching of the Stone |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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she walks along lonely, empty beaches, head down, curtained by a falling of yellow hair, tired, dark eyes in continuous movement, desperately searching the sand untouched by her naked feet. the filmy, white gauze of her dress reveals the swell of her breast, behind which lies a hollow, birthplace of relentless aching, an unseen force, pushing her onward. each new step leaves a bit of sand behind her, as she seeks the flawless stone, polished so very smooth by great rolling waves, and exchanges with lesser stones, then tossed forward by the tides. its unrivaled hues relect the afternoon's rays, so dazzling, inviting... she knows it lies in wait for her, and she is nearly within sight of its unrivaled glory. A seabird dives, swooping from above, takes the stone into it's beak, and rises in flight across the sea, away, and beyond the horizon, where the stone falls into the deepest of the deep blue. her searching will persist, unceasing, but will now forever yield only masquerades of what she seeks. [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
A beautifuly painted picture. Your words make to feel as if I were really there. I can not improve upon what you have written. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Welcome to Passions, you brave soul, submitting your most personal expressions of thought and feeling to the scrutinity of perfect stangers!  Seriously, I agree very much with Septsong's comment. The word picture is beautiful. The use of the word "hollow" followed by "full of ..." in the second stanza seemed a bit contradictory to me, though. The closing line is ... well ... very sad. Hopeless hope. Ugh. Very well done, and, again, welcome to Passions. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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leon Junior Member
since 1999-12-13
Posts 23 |
>her searching will persist, unceasing, >but will now forever yield >but masquerades of what she seeks. Well-written poem. But I was somewhat confused by the use of "but" at the last line. Is it needed? I think the line could do without it, might sound better. Sincerely, Leon |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment on my piece. It looks as if this is a good place to learn, and hone skills. Septsong: Thanks for the praise. I'm glad you enjoyed. jbauder: I think you might be right about "the hollow, full of", however I've tried numerous other ways to say this without much luck. How about..."behind which lies a hollow, bringing her relentless..."? leon: I thank you also, and I am sure you are right...the second "but" should be eliminated, or the first replaced by something else. In rereading and fine tuning, I don't know how I missed that. [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 12-19-1999).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WH: "behind which lies a hollow, full of relentless aching" maybe "behind which lies a hollow, source of relentless aching" For some reason I kept wanting to put "resevoir" in place of "full". Just some suggestions. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
JB, Thank you...I think that is perfect, although, if you check it out, I went with another word that I felt gave the aching a life of it's own. Suggestion taken, thanx again....warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Hey WH I must say that besides the other corrections, this is a beautiful poem. The imagry is something that I can't compare to. You are truly very talented. Keep posting your works here --A Little Fairy-- |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
To a little fairy, Thank you so much for your kind comments. I am already beginning to feel at home here, and hope I can stay. warmhrt |
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jaxjoy Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 112Texas |
Wow, you made me feel transported to the seaside. I think i can even hear the waves.  Beautiful poem |
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