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in dreams
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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in dreams |
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**lost** Junior Member
since 2001-07-16
Posts 32ma |
an afternoon sunrise melts in my hands, dewdrops cling to emerald grass blades, shards of glass cut through the light, tears scattered upon the window pane. gazing through my glass protector, high noon, and the moon floats lazily by, lightning slices through the hot winter night, with eyes wide open, i drift contently off to dream. confused among strangers, |
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| © Copyright 2001 Joline Dupras - All Rights Reserved | |||
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polarflame New Member
since 2001-07-30
Posts 9Az, USA |
quote: an afternoon sunrise melts in my hands, dewdrops cling to emerald grass blades, shards of glass cut through the light, >> awesome description of scenery. quote: with eyes wide open, i drift contently off to dream. >> yeah, I do that too. Day dreaming and everything. and I just let the world pass by with none of my concerns. ----------------------- the heart is an organ of fire... >>PolarFlame [This message has been edited by polarflame (edited 07-30-2001).] |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
The image and flow in your first line are wonderful... the only problem I had was that the sun doesn't rise in the afternoon.... there's inconsistencies like that throughout the whole poem, also, you have grass blades in a (hot?) winter night... everything just contradicts itself, and while it's kind of obvious that that's the point, it really gets a little hokey if used as the primary basis of a poem, I think. You are more than the sum of what you consume |
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**lost** Junior Member
since 2001-07-16
Posts 32ma |
hush, the entire point was to convey the idea that dreams are not true to life, that many people live in their dreams because they know things can occur in their dreams that cannot always in real life. confused among strangers, |
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aprikot New Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 4 |
i have to agree with polarflame, i think the scenery and imagery created is absolutely incredible. personally, i didn't find that the contradictions in the work detracted at all from it's presentation, i think it does reinforce the illogical and surreal quality that dreams tend to have (and boy have i had some hum-dingers...) -carlo |
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