»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Friends & Enemies
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Friends & Enemies |
|
|
Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES There was a time, oh, many years ago, when I could only see all Japanese as bitter enemies and Tokio as the origin of cowardly crime. There was the day when news came seeping through the barbed wire fence around the camp, that they had bombed the town where my beloved, my one and only, lived... There were the blows, the kicks, the curses and the verbal insults I had to take, as slave of Dai Nippon, but, as the years passed by, I learned to look beyond those things, and found compassion, too... A youthful sailor on the transport ship which was to carry us as prisoners to Japan, in view of jeering shipmates, volunteered to fill some hundred rusty canteen cans with cool, fresh water for us, his enemies, parched from marching in blistering heat... Although to them, we were the murderers that bombed their cities, killed their kin, some did what Christ told us and them to do, which was to love our enemies. And some risked punishment, derision, to make our lot more bearable... My good old hancho, Noname-san, paid dearly for his treacherous act of smuggling us some high-C peppers: a spying civil guardsman caught him, and got him beaten up so badly, that he, for days, could barely walk... Our hated camp commander, Captain X., a man of cruel discipline, but married to a lovely Nisei girl who treated us to tasty food, behind the captain's back, for babysitting Sara-san, her little girl. Dear God, what has become of them? The great atrocity at Pearl Harbor, was screaming for revenge, which took a long time coming. But, when it came,Hiroshima and Nagasaki turned into lakes of glass and molten metal and deadly dust and human tears... Then, when our enemies became our friends, hate turned into respect, and traveling bred understanding, consolidating peace and mutual help. But Satan never will give up, he jars our memories, lest we forget... While many preachers of good will keep telling us we should forgive, forget, we stubbornly reverse that sequence, saying, "Help us forget, and then we shall forgive". No, first forgive, and then you'll find forgetting has become irrelevant... by Willem |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Willem - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Welcome Willem - a long poem to start with and I don't have much time at the moment - be back to it later ....... Philip |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I'm not sure I can critique this with anything but wonderful comments. It is an extreamly powerful poem that cuts right to the heart and leaves the reader almost exaughsted in it's wake. You've got some wonderful lines : "But, when it came,Hiroshima and Nagasaki turned into lakes of glass and molten metal and deadly dust and human tears..." and " But Satan never will give up, he jars our memories, lest we forget..." (oh how true, we always seem to remember the worst of things don't we?) your final stanza: " While many preachers of good will keep telling us we should forgive, forget, we stubbornly reverse that sequence, saying, "Help us forget, and then we shall forgive". No, first forgive, and then you'll find forgetting has become irrelevant..." wraps everything up into a neat little package. This one truly left me saying WOW! Ruth ------------------ Alis volat propriis (She flies with her own wings) |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I liked the poem very much. I just thought it was me though. Having had one drunken night of tears in a Kyoto bar as a Japanese friend of mine explained that he had had family in Hiroshima and, a year or two later, arguing that those bombings were necessary given the situation (if you were Truman, what would you do?). Very powerful poem that goes after the ambiguity of life quite well. A couple points: I've never seen Tokyo transcribed like that before; is that an old way of writing it? 'Satan' seems a bit too strong here. I would maybe use something a little more subtle. Do you really need 'oh' ?-- although I admit it works here much better than in other poems I've read. Again, I enjoyed this one. Brad |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This poem is very well written and descriptive. Thank you for sharing this stirring story full of compassion and understanding and the strong message it reveals. James |
||
|
DramaMama Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 47Louisiana |
Love the last two lines. So true... |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Willem, Now I've read it a few times there's no way I'm following on from Ruth and Brad with an attempted critique. All I would say is that this is effectively a story poem and I often feel that with such poetry it is nice if the poetry doesn't "get in the way" of the story. Longfellow's "Hiawatha" is a great example of poetic story telling. I think in the main you succeed well in keeping the reader's attention focussed on the events, which, to be honest, is perhaps unsurprising as they are still of a contemporary nature and very poignant. Very moving. Philip |
||
|
Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Powerful poem. Loving one's enemies eventually becomes the only true option. |
||
|
Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Upon Brad's suggestion I reworded the last two lines in Stanza 9 to eliminate the name of Satan, as follows: So, why do we keep trying to revive bad memories? Lest we forget?... Willem |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||