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the granite christ
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the granite christ |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
when you cried there were his tears serving eyes other than his own and when you bled did not his own blood gush forth to better understand yours he martyred himself like a granite christ pious and pale but beneath his skin and the layers of frozen shale.... did you ever notice when he began to lose weight and became something you didn't know if you went on he would stay the same a granite christ, no way to leave yet never to fail but beneath his skin and the layers of frozen shale, i see his lips form a smile and for your love he thinks it was all worthwhile i hope that the changing of the two "buts" is helpful. i didn't like it myself, but was too lazy to do anything about it until now.  ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane [This message has been edited by roxane (edited 11-10-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
this is so intense.I really like it, bizz. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
FABULOUS...Intense emotions, honed images...OH...GREAT WORK POET! |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
roxanne-- i've been reading this one for a few days now and i must say it fascinates me; the poem really has a subtle magic that stays with the reader (me, anyway, lol) for a long time after. from your opening lines of tears "serving eyes other than his own" and bleeding "to better understand yours" all the way through to your powerful closing lines... very well done indeed. the image of a granite christ smiling beneath his skin is simply stunning. i thought perhaps the two lines back to back starting with "but" were a trifle awkward, BUT (lol) this is a minor point, i think, when you've created such truly vivid images. haze is absolutely right, this one is "fabulous."  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is a bit confusing for me. On the one hand, I really like the image but, on the other, I don't think you ever really get inside the dynamics of the relationship. if you went on he would stay the same a granite christ, no way to leave yet never to fail doesn't really make sense to me with the last lines. I don't see the motivation here. I like the smile at the end but that also seems ironic -- as if the speaker of the poem disapproves of the martyrdom. Is being a 'granite christ' a positive thing or a negative? Yeah, yeah, I like complex ideas in poems but this seems a bit scattered. Either that or my brain is. Brad |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
brad- i might agree with you on this one, and i see no point in defending a poem that i don't really care for. this poem is just someone, a little jealous, observing a relationship that is one sided. apparently she cares for a man whom no one appreciates, particularly not his lover. the narrator doesn't disapprove of the martyrdom, she merely wishes that someone would appreciate it as much as she does. maybe you could help me with this one? also, do you think that if you get a chance you could read the poem i wrote called "napoleon and i"? i swear that it's not about napoleon. i actually have a just reason in asking you to read it: i want to apply for a certain writing program at this certain school, and i have to submit even poems or short stories and i don't get some kind of feedback on these poems, i won't get the courage to do it. i at least need to make improvements, but i have no confidence in some of these, (like the one above) and i kind of like napoleon. so, if you could, i'm cure that it's on page two by now. thanks a lot. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I Love this poem. A wonderful expression of Love and concern between a Father and a Son. My emotions are freshly charged. James |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I e-mailed the "granite christ" to my friend Mich in Vancouver, Canada and she said it brought tears to her eyes when she realized time and time again how much God loves us. That poem is touching people. Thank for the write. james |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i wish i could say that i wrote this poem with Jesus purely in mind, but i wrote it to be more allegorical, as in the granite christ is more someone who cares deeply for someone, or some people who don't appreciate him. i am not a very religious person; i'm a spiritual person, and i care more about the emotion than the process, so if this poem made you appreciate more what Jesus has done for you, i am pleased. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Magnificent poetry, Roxane! I wouldn't know what more to say than what all those others have already said. Allow me, though to comment on the message: it's about a totally unselfish love that's very hard, amost impossible to describe and explain, but you did it in this beautiful poem. Thank you and congratulations! Willem |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
I like and but I'm not sure why. I'll have to reread it a few time I guess. Your father, or someones?? Hmmmm. |
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